Anger and Confusion
by Hake Balms
Summary: 6th year. His friends and the wizarding world turn their backs on him, so Harry turns his back, too. Harry feels lost, he becomes depressed and suicidal. Until a certain Slytherin comes along and gives him a reason to keep fighting, to keep living.SLASH
1. Depression

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Anger and Confusion

Author's Note I do not own the characters, they belong to J. K. Rowling. This is the first time I have ever writing a slash story. I hope it's somewhat good. Please Read and Review -- whether good or bad- so I know where I stand. Do not worry faithful readers of "Unspeakable Passions" I will still be writing that story also. I just felt like adding another to my collection. : )

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Disclaimer I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters. I just like to have my own twisted ways with them. : )

Rated R for violence, slash, language, and so on

Summary Harry's 6th year. The wizarding world turns its back on Harry, so Harry decides to turn his back, too. Harry becomes depressed and suicidal. Well, until a certain Slytherin comes along and gives him a reason to keep fighting, to keep living. HD slash.

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Chapter One

Depression

A single nightmare of a single moment that will stay in a young boy's memory forever had woken him up. A single tear rolled down a young boy's face. A single gasp came from a young boy. A single shudder went down a young boy's spine. A single strand of hair fell in front of a young boy's emerald green eyes. A single feeling was in a young boy's heart, guilt. A single thought went though the boy's mind; _it's my fault._

A young boy was sitting on his bed looking out the window wishing that he could become someone else, anyone else. The young boy was wishing that someone would appear and take him away. Far away, away from all of the pain that had been claiming him. All of the pain that caused him to feel like he was losing his mind.

The young boy got off of his bed and started to pace around the room. He wanted to leave, but he had nowhere to go; besides he knew that he had to stay there at least for one more week. Then he would be able to escape, he could leave; he could go to his friend's house for the rest of the summer.

The young boy sat back down on his bed. He raised his hands up to his face, to cover the tears that were now streaming down his face. He took in a sharp gasp as he started down the same road he had been on before. He started to let the memories take over his small yet strong body. His mind started to wander towards the memories of what had happened just months before at Hogwarts.

He could remember being foolish and going to the ministry and trying to save Sirius. In the end, all he ended up doing was having Sirius killed. The boy's body started to shake as he took in another deep gasp. He didn't understand why. He never understood why. He probably will never find the real reason why. He wanted to know why.

Why had this all happen to him? Why did he have to feel so much pain? Why did he have to be the saviour? Why did _he_ have to be the _boy who lived_? Why did they have to die? Why does everyone have to die? Why can't anyone love him? Why does everyone think that it's his fault Voldemort is back? Why does everyone have to blame him? Why can't he just be someone else? Why does he have to feel all of the pain? Why does the pain make him want to end his life? Why can't anything ever make him happy anymore? Just why?

"WHY!?!" The boy yelled out to no one in particular. "Why does it all happen to me? Is this your idea of a sick joke or something? Do you like watching me suffer?"

The young boy's sadness soon turned to rage. He hated Voldemort for what all he had done to Harry's life. But he hated himself even more. The young boy truly believed that it was his fault that so many people had died. _They all died trying to make sure I lived. Why can't you people just let me die!! I want to die; I don't want to be here anymore. I hate it here; all I ever feel is pain. I need to find an escape; I need to find away to just forget all of the pain. There's nothing here for me; so just let me leave._

The boy stood up and started to pace around the room once again. He wanted to hit something or to rip something apart; but there was nothing in his room for him to destroy. He sat down in the middle of his floor, pulled his knees up to his chin, covered his face, and let the tears flood down his cheeks.

_Sirius. Can you hear me? I really need you right now. I miss you. Everyone keeps telling me that it's not my fault, but I know it is. I'm sorry I let you down. I'm sorry I let everyone down. I'm sorry I failed you. I'm sorry that I caused you to die. If I could, I would go back and make sure that you lived. I just wish I could see you once again. I wish that I could just see you smile once more. I just wish that I could be with you for one more day. I wish that I could have said goodbye. Just so I could have an ending. It's too late now, because you've already left me._

The young boy's body began to shake uncontrollably as he began to cry even harder. He hated crying, even though he cried a lot lately. Crying made him feel weak, it made him feel like he has no control over his life, it made him feel like he was undeserving of life. Even though he hated all of those things, he still couldn't keep himself from crying over his dead godfather. Without Sirius, the young boy felt completely alone in the world. Even though he had his two best friends in the world Ron and Hermione, the young boy still felt alone. He knew that he could tell his friends anything and that they would try to help him, they would try to understand him, and try and work around whatever problem it was. But the young boy didn't think they would be able to understand what was going through his mind. He didn't think that they would understand what kind of depression he was going through; even if they try to understand him they never would be able to relate.

The young raven-haired boy didn't want to be trapped in his room anymore; he didn't want to be trapped in thoughts of his godfather. He didn't want to be in there anymore; he needed out now. The boy slowly opened his door; for he didn't want to wake his aunt or uncle. He didn't want any more trouble than what he has already caused. The boy walked down the hall and went into the bathroom. He turned the faucet on, cupped some water in his hands, and splashed it on his face.

He looked up at the mirror above the bathroom sink. The young boy looked into the mirror and saw himself. The young boy's eyes were red and puffy from the crying, his lips looked red and swollen, and he looked even paler and sickly than he normally did. He stared at his pale and sickly reflection for quite some time. Before letting memories of many people telling him the same thing over and over cross his mind, "You look just like James, expect you have your mother's eyes."

He remembered one person who told him the most about his parents. The one person who knew his parents best. The one person whom he trusted more than anybody else in the world. The young boy still wasn't comfortable about thinking, talking or anything about his godfather. "Merlin…SIRIUS!!!! I miss you."

_I'm sorry I was ever born. I'm sorry that you were made my godfather. I'm sorry that it's my fault your best friend had to die. I'm sorry that it's my fault that you were put in Azkaban. I'm sorry that everyone that it was your fault, when it was really mine. I'm sorry that people made you into a bad guy. I'm sorry that I thought you were the reason my parents are dead. I'm sorry that you ever had to meet me. I'm sorry that you ever thought I was a good kid. I'm sorry that you loved me._

I'm sorry that you got stuck in the black house for a year. I'm sorry that when you did go outside you had to be a dog. I'm sorry that no matter what I did, I messed your life up even more. I'm sorry that I didn't listen to what you, Dumbledore, and Snape had to say. I'm sorry that you stayed up worried about me. I'm sorry that we didn't have a better relationship.

I'm sorry for all of the pain I have caused you. I'm sorry for making you come to the ministry. I'm sorry that you died because of my stupidity. I'm sorry because I let myself love you and care for you. I'm sorry that you loved me more than anyone else I know. Sirius I love you, and I need you, I miss you, but I can't have you in my life anymore. Most of all Sirius, I'm sorry that you ever met me, that you let yourself care for me, when in return I just let you die.

Sirius I know I have done nothing but caused you pain and I'm truly sorry. I don't mean be such a problem to people, I don't mean to cause so much trouble; it's just that bad things always seem to follow me wherever I go. Sirius I just wish, that you could come back to me just for one day. Just so I could tell you all of this, so I could have my good-bye, just so I could see you again.

I know that you loved me and I love you too. I know that I may not be the best person in the world, but you always made me feel like I could be the best in the world if I tried. I know this is late, but good-bye Sirius.

The young boy sank down into the floor of the bathroom like a puddle of water. Tears were matted all over his face, his eyes were red and puffy, and he was shaking from the sharp gasps of air he was taking. He lay their for a while, trying to get the thoughts out of his mind. He didn't want to cry anymore; he had had enough of crying for one night. He sat up with his back against the bathroom door trying to will his brain back to normal functioning again.

It didn't matter how hard he tried; the pain of it all just didn't seem to go away. He needed it to go away. The young boy wanted an escape. As he sat there in the bathroom floor trying to come up with a way to get rid of the pain, something caught his eye. He picked himself off of the ground and walked over to the object. There it was sitting there in the open medicine cabinet. The young boy eyed it lustfully before picking it up and running his fingers over the smooth yet sharp edges.

The boy looked at the item. He raised the sleeve of his left arm up to his shoulder. He put the object on the underside of his left arm. It felt cold against his skin, but he wanted to forget about the pain. He brought the object down his arm; causing his skin to be cut open. Pain tore through the young boy's mind as his uncle's razor ripped through his skin. But as the burning sensation from his arm flooded his mind, he forgot about all of his other problems.

As the blood started to trickle down his arm, the boy felt like he had a new control over his life and nobody even had to know that he was doing it. He could easily hide it; he could even hide it with a muggle tee-shirt. Little did this boy know that what he had just done would cause him a whole new world of problems. The great Harry Potter had just cut himself; because he felt weak.

TBC

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Author's Note: Hey I hope that was a nice little beginning to my story. Anyway I'm going to be out of town for a week so it will probably take at least a week for me to update. Anyways, please review : )


	2. Just a Letter

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Anger and Confusion

Author's Note I'm back with my second chapter for this story! Just so you know, I had a lot of fun on my little trip. I will be updating this story every Friday from now on. Anyways, back to the story.

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Disclaimer I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters. I just like to have my own twisted ways with them. : )

Rated R for violence, slash, language, and so on

Summary Harry's 6th year. The wizarding world turns its back on Harry, so Harry decides to turn his back, too. Harry becomes depressed and suicidal. Well, until a certain Slytherin comes along and gives him a reason to keep fighting, to keep living. HD slash.

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Chapter 2

Just a Letter

Harry dropped the razor on the floor beside him. He looked down at the blood trickling down his arm. As he watched the blood trickle down, he noticed that a few droplets of blood appeared on the Dursley's cream white tile floor. Harry slowly began to pick himself up off of the cold bathroom floor.

He loved the new feeling that his body was going through, but at the same time he couldn't believe what he had just done. As he watched his blood flow out of the wound and down onto his arm, he felt shame. It just didn't seem right, but yet he loved the feeling so much he wanted to cut himself again and again. Just so he could watch the blood run out of his arm.

The more he watched the blood, the more he began to feel. He could actually feel the pain. He loved it, but at the same time he hated it. Before, he could just pretend that it was all some kind of horrible nightmare and that eventually he would wake up; but now, he knew. He knew that it wasn't just some dream; he knew that this was his life. In dreams you can get cut and it won't hurt, but in life it does hurt. He loved being able to feel it, because now that he knew that it was _real _he could move on in life.

He walked over towards the finely made sink in his aunt and uncle's bathroom. He turned on the water and tried to clean his cut. He tried to wash away his blood; he tried to wash away the evidence of the crime he had committed. He wanted to wash it all away so nobody would know about his new little pleasure.

Harry tried and tried to wash away his blood, to wash away his new little sins. But it just didn't matter, the harder he tried to clean it up the cut or to cover the cut, it just bled more. Finally, after a few minutes of trying to clean himself up he just gave up. He looked through the medicine cabinet until he found what he was looking for. He wrapped the bandage around his wound until he thought that it was sufficient enough.

He slowly opened the door to the bathroom and began to sneak out. He had to be extremely quite, for he did have to pass his cousin's room in order to get to his own. Harry was half way there when he heard a noise. He didn't know what it was from but it did sound an awful like Dudley talking in his sleep. Once he passed Dudley's room he was safe and quickly and quietly went back to his bedroom.

As Harry entered his room he grabbed his tee shirt and tore it off, leaving it and his pants in a little pile in the centre of the room. Harry had felt very tired, but he didn't want to go to sleep. He was afraid. He wasn't afraid of the dark or anything, but he was afraid of the nightmares he had while he slept. He was tired of the nightmares; he was tired of watching Sirius and Cedric die over and over. He was tired of watching the sick things that Voldemort did to people. Harry took his glasses off and laid them on the bedside table and then proceeded to lay himself down onto his bed.

He started to stare out of his bedroom window; he couldn't really make out any objects since his glasses were no longer on his face. None the less, he stared out the window trying to make out the shapes of the other houses, the streetlights, trees, and stars. Longer he stared at an object the odder the object started to look. Longer he looked out the window the heavier his eyelids became.

Finally Harry decided that it didn't matter how bad the nightmares may be, he needed to sleep. As long as he at least got one hour of sleep, the nightmare would be worth it. The young boy rolled over in his bed and started to drift off to sleep, when he heard a clicking noise on the window.

When he turned around to look at what it was, it looked like an owl; like Ron's owl, Pig. Harry jumped out of bed put his glasses on and pulled the window open, letting Pig into his room. The little owl flew a lap around Harry's room before he dropped the letter in Harry's lap then laid himself down on Harry's desk.

Harry desperately ripped the letter open, he was hoping that it would be Ron's letter saying that they were coming to take him out of this place, away from Little Whinging, to take him away from his aunt and uncle's house. But what was on the inside of this letter was nothing that Harry could have suspected.

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Harry,

I hate to have to tell you like this mate, but I'm sorry. You can't come out to the burrow this summer. Mum and Dad said that 'we just have to many things going on.' I don't know what my mum and dad are on about; they've been acting well, strange.

Well they've been acting strange ever since Percy, came back to the family saying how sorry he is. And how he can now see the errors of his ways. He keeps going on and on about how Fudge said that if he put as much distance between you and us that would be the best thing to do. That it would be in the best interest of everyone.

It's a load of crap if you ask me, but mum is buying; and dad doesn't dare cross her. I personally believe that he's got something up his sleeve. He's always been the slimy one of the family. Fred and George, now they are tricky, but they aren't two-timers like Percy.

I know that you were really looking forward to coming out, but you can't. I really want you to, I mean, I don't really want you staying out there at the Dursley's. Well, especially after well, you know. I'm going to miss having you around Harry. I really wish mum and dad would let you come out here, but I don't know. I hope the Muggles aren't treating you to badly. I wish you could be here. If you can, write back sometime. It would be nice getting an owl from you!

Ron

p.s. Guess What!!! It finally happened!! Me and 'Mione are well, you know, together!! See you on September the 1st. Oh yeah, by the way, Happy Early Birthday!! I don't think I'll get another chance to tell you, so I might as well now.

Harry dropped the letter in confusion. He couldn't understand what Ron had meant. _What did they mean by 'we just have to many things going on?' What in the fuck could they possibly be doing that's so important? There's nothing that they could be doing, they don't have the money to do anything. There is obviously something that Ron isn't telling me. There has to be something._

The whole summer he had been looking forward to getting out of this hell hole and now he finds out that he _has _to stay here. He knew that Dumbledore wanted him to stay out at his aunt and uncle's house for at least 3 weeks, but not for the whole summer. Surely someone anyone would soon come and get him out of here.

Harry fell numbly to the floor. His world started to spin in confusion and anger. Harry was mad at the world; he hated everyone. It wasn't fair that he had to stay here. He clenched his hands into fists. He needed another release for his anger. He couldn't control himself. He picked himself up off of the floor. He was pacing across the room. He _needed _to hit something.

For a brief moment, Harry thought of returning to the bathroom and using his uncle's razor again. But he quickly shoved that thought out of his mind; he was still bleeding from the last cut. He needed another release; he needed something else to help him ease the pain.

Harry walked over towards the wall of his bedroom. He punched the wall as hard as he could. Pain shot through his arm. But the pain of what he had just done was worse. When he looked down at the hole he had made in the wall, the hole he had made by shoving his hand through the wall.

"Fuck." Harry said, trying to think of something to do, so that the Durleys wouldn't find it.

Harry quickly grabbed one of the calendars on his desk and tacked it to the wall. It didn't really hide it, but it was good enough. He didn't care if they found out or not anymore. They still locked him up, they still beat him, they still ignored him, anyway. What else could they possibly do? Ground him? _Right, they wouldn't even bother saying it to me, it would be a waste of their breath._

Harry walked back over to his bed, trying to calm himself down. The young boy tried to take deep breaths. He tried to become more relaxed, but it just didn't work. He laid himself down on his bed; he looked up at the white ceiling, unseeing.

_What is going on? Why doesn't anyone want to help me out of here? Why hasn't Hermione, Hagrid, Lupin, or even Dumbledore sent him even just one owl? I need to know what's going on out there. I need to know what is up with Voldemort. I need out of this house. I need to be back in the wizarding world._

I can't just sit around here. I need to do something. I need to help. I can help the order. I can tell them the kind of dreams I've had. I can do anything besides sit here. They could use my help. I just wish that they would let me help. What is going on out at the Weasley's? Hermione told me that she didn't even like Ron, now she's dating him. That's odd. Maybe something happened between them.

Harry still staring up at his ceiling grabbed his pillow and tried to smother himself with it. He took the pillow off of his face and laid his head back down on to it. He rolled over wanting to go to sleep, wanting to just lose himself in the dream, wanting to just disappear off the face of the Earth.

Harry was starting to drift off to sleep. When the next thing Harry saw was a flash of green light and he was being jerked out of his bed. He felt like he was going through a portkey. He landed with a loud and hard smack onto the floor into an unfamiliar room. As he got up and looked around he felt sick to his stomach.

Around the room, were bodies. Bodies chained to the wall. Some of them looked as though they were alive and others, well others looked as though they had been chained there for years. As he looked at them he noticed that most of them were men, some were women, and there were even a few children.

Some of the men had their backs facing Harry. Harry could see their shoulder blades sticking out through the skin. Others were missing legs and arms. And the blood. There was blood all over the room. Some of the blood was still red from the freshness and some of it a brownish colour.

It took a while for Harry to notice a black chair in the centre of the room. In front of it was a desk covered in papers. There was a knock on the door and the man in the black chair turned around, Voldemort. Two more men walked into the room carrying another man. Carrying him as if he was a hostage.

"Ah, Mister Malfoy and Mister Snape, I was hoping you two would be by soon." Voldemort's cold voice said into the room.

TBC

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Author's Note: Please, Please review. Again, this story will be posted every Friday! See ya next chapter!!


	3. Punishment

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Author's Note: Thank you to those who reviewed!!! I hope this chapter does answer some of your questions!!! Again, thank you.

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WARNING!!!: There will be a tiny scene of rape. Don't say I didn't warn you!!

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Chapter Three

Punishment

"Ah, Mister Malfoy and Mister Snape, I was hoping you two would be by soon." Voldemort's cold voice said into the room. Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape walked further into the room, dragging a body behind them.

"Is this?" Voldemort started to say but cut off. Lucius nodded his head in reply. "Bring him to me."

Severus and Lucius both dragged the person up to Voldemort. Voldemort's hand slipped out behind his black cloak. He pulled back the young man's cloak, reviling his face. Voldemort's cold figures ran across the young boy's face. The boy flinched away from Voldemort's touch.

Voldemort grabbed the young man's chin and turned it towards him. When he moved the young boy's face, Harry got a clear view of who it was. Voldemort's icy stare returned back to Lucius. "You should really teach your son how to act properly Lucius. Some might take his actions in a negative manor." Voldemort's cold voice harped out.

Lucius nodded his head at his lord. Seeing that Lucius agreed Voldemort return his gaze back at the young man in front of him who had now fallen onto his knees. He tipped Draco's chin back up. Draco hesitantly looked up into Voldemort's eyes.

"Did you really think I would let you get away with what you've done? Did you actually think I wouldn't find out?" When Draco didn't answer Voldemort kept on, "You know, you are a very beautiful young man. It is a pity really that such beauty has to go to waste. Too bad that you want to go against me. I still can't believe that you of all people would dare to defy me. I bet your father is ashamed of how you've turned out."

"Then again," Voldemort started turning his gaze up to Lucius, "you can't blame how this filth as turned out. I know that it must be truly embarrassing having him for a son. If I were you, I would see if I could get him _removed _from the family. I know that he is still your son, Lucius; but now he is nothing but filth. You did your best. Sometimes there is just a bad apple." Voldemort looked back down at Draco and dropped his chin causing Draco to fall to the floor. "Too bad that that apple had to be you."

Voldemort stepped away from the mess that was lying in the floor. He reached for some item in his robes. When Voldemort found the item he had been looking for, he brought it out and let Draco have a good look at what he was holding. Draco's eyes suddenly flashed with fear. He looked up at his father, but his father showed him no emotion what so ever. He looked up to Severus; his eyes were pleading for someone to help him. His eyes began to water he needed someone to help him. He needed someone to take pity on him and take him far away from Voldemort. But no on in that room was about to help him.

Draco's eyes return to the man dressed in black robes who stood before him. Draco shut his eyes he didn't want to see what Voldemort was about to do with him. Voldemort laughed at the boy's innocence. "You know the punishments of your actions Mr. Malfoy. It is now time that you serve those punishments." Voldemort said before raising his wand and pointing it down at Draco and screaming out, "CRUCIO!!"

Draco's young form immediately started to shake uncontrollably. You could see in his eyes that he was trying not to scream as the pain ripped through his body. Tears started to swell up in his eyes and Voldemort just began to laugh at the boy's attempt not to cry. Voldemort's eyes flashed an odd colour of red they were filled with pure hatred. Draco couldn't suppress his screams any longer. He could feel his throat become raw and bloody from the screams.

As Harry watched the scene before him, he became sick. He watched Draco's body twitch around. Draco's skin started to ripped open. Blood started to gush out of Draco's newly opened wounds. Harry could hear a sickening cracking and saw Draco's leg went limp. His head bucked against the floor and cracked open. More screams irrupted into the bloody room.

Screams echoed through the Dursley's house on Privet Drive. Harry woke up panting and sweating and cry. _It was all just a dream. It was just a dream. It wasn't real. _Harry's mind started to chant before it snapped back into reality. _Wait, but last year Arthur Weasley was attacked and I saw it through a dream. Then, oh no, no, no. Draco. I've got to help him!! How? I've got to tell Dumbledore or Lupin or anyone. Wait, why was Snape helping him? He's supposed to be on our side! He's in the order and everything!!! He's really helping Voldemort not us!!_

Harry grabbed his glasses off of his table and put them on. He looked over towards Hedwig's cage. She still hadn't return. _I've let her out three days ago and she has yet to return. Where could she be? Well, there is absolutely no way that I can get in touch with Dumbledore or anyone now._

"BOY!!! Get up and come down stairs!!" Vernon Dursley's voice echoed through the house.

Harry relentlessly got out of his bed, put on some pants and headed down the stairs. He didn't bother getting fully dressed, as long as he had on his pants the Dursleys couldn't care less. Harry quietly took his seat at the table and looked down at the meal in front of him. Toast. _Oh joy!! Just what I've always wanted!! A piece of fucking toast!!_

Harry bitterly ate his toast and pretended to be grateful. He hated that all of them had to go on the diet, when it was only Dudley who needed to lose the weight. If anything, Harry needed to gain some weight not lost any more weight. Harry sat and watched the Dursleys and they pretended not to notice him staring at them.

Dudley had lost _some _weight, but only enough to fit back into his Smeltings uniform. He couldn't help but agree to what some of Dudley's classmates had been calling him, Mobby Dick. His uncle looked the same as always. He was still beefy with no neck and a large moustache. There was something different about his uncle that Harry couldn't point out; but nevertheless it was still there, what ever _it _was. His aunt was still the same also, although time was finally taking its toll on her.

He watched his cousin and his uncle eat their breakfast and have small talk with one another. Out of the corner of his eye he could see his aunt folding the laundry. His uncle started to hoot with laughter and shout out "That's my boy!" After obviously hearing one of Dudley's stories about beating someone up. _If only if he knew the truth. Dudley's not beating up people half his size. Well, then again, it depends on how you look at it. They are **half **his size. Not to mention that they are all about 10 years old too._

Harry saw his aunt pick up the freshly folded laundry and leave the room. After a few moments of Harry sitting there watching his uncle and cousin, and listening to another one of his cousin Dudley's stories he heard a scream coming from upstairs. The scream belonged to his aunt.

"VERNON!!! COME!!! COME HERE!!! AND BRING THAT BOY!!!!"

Harry instantly knew what had happened. She had found it. She had found the hole he had punched into the wall. The next thing Harry knew his uncle had grabbed his hair and was jerking him up the stairs. "Whatever you've done now boy you're going to pay." His uncle was muttering something to himself as he drug him into his room.

"Look Vernon!! Just look at what _it _had done."

Harry hated it when they referred to him as boy or it or freak. He preferred the name his parents had given him, Harry. He wasn't about to mention this to the Dursleys, especially not at this moment. They looked heated enough.

"What in the devil were you thinking when you did this?" His uncle screamed in his face. Harry backed himself up against the wall trying to avoid his uncle's rage. Harry truly felt scared of his uncle.

"Don't worry Petunia darling. Just leave the freak to me. I'll make sure that he gets his punishment." His uncle said to his wife trying to calm her.

She started to walk out the room when she turned her head around and shot a nasty glance at Harry. He could hear his uncle walking towards him and knew that whatever he was going to do it was either going to hurt and be painful or it will be painful and hurt. His uncle grabbed his hair and ripped him up.

"Do you think that this is funny boy? Do you think it is funny to damage others property." His uncle began to snarl at him. When Harry didn't answer his uncle shoved him against the wall and shouted in his face, "WELL DO YOU??"

Harry knew better than to answer, his uncle much more preferred to stand there and yell at him. Telling him that he something was wrong with him and how it's just not normal the way he response to people. But Harry just didn't feel like that today, he just wanted to see his uncle tick. He liked to watch his uncle nearly lose his mind. So Harry answered, "No sir. Not at all funny or amusing."

"Oh, so you're going to mock me now?"

"Me mock you, _never._"

"That is it boy." He stated before he started hitting Harry across the face.

Harry stood up; he was confused but he was angrier. By the time Harry completely stood up again he was knocked back down. He felt a sharp pain in his stomach again and again. When he looked to see what it was he saw his uncle's foot coming into contact with it.

Harry felt his hair being jerked on once again. Harry was wearily put back up on his feet. His uncle took yet another swing at him. This time his uncle's fist came into contact with his eye. Harry swung back with all of his might hitting his uncle's jaw. He could hear it make a sickening popping sound. He didn't care; all he cared about was trying to get away from his uncle.

Harry felt himself being shoved up against a wall. He felt someone grab onto his hair and beat his beat into the wall. He felt weak. Blackness was beginning to swirl around his world. Harry liked the blackness; he wanted to go towards it. He wanted to lose himself in it. He felt like he was slipping away; the blackness was slowly starting to go away. Like he couldn't hold on to it anymore.

His uncle had let go of him and he fell to the floor. He was too weak to stand on his own. His legs just wouldn't support him. Harry could feel his uncle grip his hair once again and pulled him on to his feat. This time instead of hitting him he took him to the bathroom. Harry was thrown into the bathroom like a person would throw a piece of trash away.

Harry could feel his head come into contact with something and saw that it was the corner to the sink. He could hear his uncle walk off and he felt glorious that his uncle was going to leave him alone. He didn't know how, but some how he had managed to escape. He had gotten away.

Too late, he had gotten too excited too early and too fast. He could hear his uncle making his way back towards the bathroom; the bathroom in which Harry laid halfway unconscious.

He looked up and saw his uncle with a bucket of something that made the room have an awful stench and it also made Harry's world seem to go a little darker. The smell was toxic; it made him feel as if he smelled that for one more minute he would die. Harry suddenly understood that that was his uncle's exactly intention.

"Now you'll stay in here and clean up every inch of this bathroom. Do you hear me? I want this room to sparkle. You'll not get a meal until this room is clean and you'll not leave this room either. Do I make myself clear?" His uncle sneered at him.

Harry looked up at his uncle and slowly nodded his head. His uncle turned around slammed the door shut and left. Harry could hear the beefy man walk down the hall and finally down the stairs. The smell of contents in the bucket was already affecting him. Just the smell alone made him want to pass out. But he couldn't. He had work to do.

Harry slowly began to clean the bathroom, only every once in awhile his vision would start to fad in and out. Harry accidentally spilled some of the contents of the bucket on his arms and chest. It began to eat away at his skin, it burned extremely badly. He then wished that he had put on a shirt. He even felt like passing out in the bathroom. He knew that he couldn't, if he did it was likely that he would die. And he was not about to let the Dursleys have that kind of satisfaction.

Harry heard a knock on the door. At first he thought that he must have been imaging it, but then the door handle started to turn. When the door opened, it reviled Mobby Dick aka Dudley Dursley. Dudley stared down Harry and gave him an odd look.

"God that stuff stinks. How can you say in here with that? What happened to your face?" Dudley started to question him. Harry didn't answer; he figured that if he did he would probably get hit again. "_Harry, _what happened?" Dudley questioned again.

Harry was shocked; they hardly ever called him Harry. Epically Dudley. Harry tried to ignore him and started to clean the bathroom once again.

"_Harry. _What is wrong with you?" Dudley asked. Harry thought that Dudley must have lost his mind; Dudley never talks to him. Most of the time he's scared to death of him. When Harry didn't say anything this time Dudley walked further into the bathroom and shut the door behind him. "Why won't you talk? I'm not going to hit you or anything. I just want to know."

By that time Harry was in complete rage. What did Dudley think happen? He fell down the stairs or something? "Merlin. What do you think happened? You think I fell or something? This was no accident."

"What do you mean 'this was no accident?'"

"Your father."

"What? My dad wouldn't do something like that."

"Well, it sure isn't the first time that he's ever done it." Harry snapped at him.

Dudley took a minute to think before he said, "Well at least he isn't a queer."

"A queer? What? Do you think I'm gay?"

"Yes, I mean, well last year I could hear you in your room moaning out Cedric. So far this year it's been Sirius. Well, until last night. Last night you were moaning out Draco. What am I supposed to think?"

"I don't know what you're supposed to think Dudley. Even if I was gay, that's not why you've heard me moaning out."

"Oh _really._ Why else would you be moaning out in the middle of the night? Why else would you be saying their names if the weren't your lovers?"

This just pushed Harry over the edge. _How dare him talk about them like that. _"No Dudley they weren't my lovers. Cedric and Sirius were murdered!!! You would think that if you had to watch someone be murdered that you might have some nightmares about it. How would you like every time you close your eyes you saw the only person who cared for you die!! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF YOUR GODFATHER WAS MURDERED RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES!!!"

"Well yours deserved it. He was a murder."

"No he wasn't. He never did it. Someone else killed them."

"What about Draco? Huh, you never said anything about him dieing?"

"That's because he isn't dead, yet."

"Then why were you saying his name?"

"Because Dudley, last night I had to watch him be tortured."

"Well why do you dream about those things? Can't you just dream about something else?"

"No Dudley I can't. I have no control over what I dream. All I can do is dream. Sometimes I have good dreams, but most the time they are just nightmares. Nightmares of stuff that I know you could never even imagine."

"Well you would think that there would be something that _you _could do. I mean with magic."

"Dudley just shut up and go away. I don't even know why your in hear. Just go away."

Dudley opened the door and started to walk back out of the bathroom but then he turned back around, "I still think you are a queer." And then he opened the door and began to walk out.

But before he shut the door back Harry shouted at him, "SO WHAT IF I AM A QUEER!!! WHAT IN THE FUCKING HELL DOES IT MATTER TO YOU!!! OH!!! I UNDERSTAND NOW!! YOU JUST WISH I WAS GAY SO YOU COULD HAVE A SHOT AT ME."

Dudley slammed the door shut. Harry could hear he walk back downstairs. A few minutes later he could hear someone walking back up the stairs. The bathroom suddenly flew open. There in the doorway was a red faced Vernon Dursley.

"What were you thinking, boy??? Calling _MY _SON A QUEER!!!"

Harry saw his uncle slam the door behind him. He then he that he was definitely going to be in trouble now. Harry could feel his hair being jerk up. Once he had stood up his uncle shoved him up against the wall. His uncle grabbed his hair and rammed his head into the wall. Harry felt dizzy and couldn't hold himself up any longer; he fell to the floor on his stomach.

Harry could hear something behind him. It sounded faintly like someone undoing their jeans. Harry's mind was screaming for him to get up and run away, but Harry's body just wasn't strong enough to get up off of the floor. Harry felt his uncle kneel down beside him.

Harry's breaths were now coming in ragged pants. He was terrified of what his uncle was doing. Harry could feel two hands slid around the front side of his jeans and start to undo them. Harry was in shock, he couldn't move, he couldn't yell out for help, all he could do is lay there. He could feel his pants being shoved down; and all he wanted to do was to scream out for help, but his voice just wouldn't yell out.

Harry could feel his uncle climb on top of him; he felt like his bones were going to break from all of the weight. Harry suddenly felt like he was being ripped open as his uncle shoved himself into to him. Harry finally managed to scream out, but it was too late. He could feel his uncle shoving himself in and out of Harry.

Tears started to swell up in Harry's eyes. Harry felt his uncle grab on to his hair and shoved his head down onto the cold tile floor. Tears were now pouring out of Harry's eyes. He couldn't help himself; the pain he was feeling was just too much. Harry could feel his uncle grab his hair once again. As his uncle released himself into Harry he shoved Harry's head down onto the floor.

Pain shot through Harry's body as his head came into contact with the floor. His vision blurred and everything started to grow darker. The last thing Harry saw was his uncle walking back out of the bathroom. He could hear his uncle saying something that sounded like "punishment." Then everything went black and Harry knew that he had passed out.

TBC

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Author's Note: Well here's this weeks dose of Anger and Confusion!! Please, please review!!! I'll update next Friday!! See-ya!


	4. The Escape

Author's Note: I'm so sorry for this late post!! Thursday we had a yard sale, Friday and Saturday I spent the night with my friend Karlee, Sunday and Monday my little cousin Megan spent the night…. So I never really had anytime to type this until now. I know, I know excuses. Excuses are like assholes everyone has one and they all stink (my dad says that) :D

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Chapter 4

The Escape

Harry woke up panting; he had had another nightmare about his uncle. As Harry laid in his bed he was caught in a conflict. One side he knew he needed to get out of his bed so he could go to the bathroom; the other side was all he wanted to do was just roll over and let his dreams claim him once again.

Harry's fight to go back to sleep was short lived. The pain in his bladder was beginning to become extremely painful. Harry jumped out of bed grabbed a pair of sleep pants and ran down the hall to the bathroom. After he exited the bathroom he could hear a heated argument between his aunt and uncle.

"Vernon, you really need to come! Dudley is counting on you!"

"Well, I can't leave the boy alone hear! He'll tear the place down. You saw what he did to the wall!"

"We can just bring him then."

"Oh, so he can completely ruin Dudley's trip. I think not!"

"Vernon! You have to be there!"

"DUDLEY!!!" Harry watched his fat cousin run out of his room. Dudley knocked Harry over before running down the stairs to his father. "You don't _need _me to come watch you box. I already _know _that you're going to win. So you wouldn't mind if I missed this one match would you."

"But father." Harry could hear Dudley start; he knew that Dudley wasn't going to give up this easy. _Dudley would probably only want me around so he could use me for practice._

"Well I can't very well leave him here alone. So that's it, I'm staying and you two can go. Conversation over! After breakfast I want you two to pack your bags and be going. I don't want you to miss the train."

After a few minutes of Harry staying upstairs, so he could make sure the argument was over; he walked downstairs and into the kitchen. Harry slowly started to sit down; his arse still hurt him greatly. When Harry took his seat at the table he received a nasty glare from his cousin. Harry's uncle started to rattle off to Harry how Dudley and Petunia would be going on a one week trip for Dudley's boxing match. He didn't really pay too much attention; he had already heard the whole argument.

When breakfast was over Harry started on the dishes while his aunt and cousin went upstairs to pack. Harry could hear someone behind him walking towards him. He tried to ignore the sound but he knew he couldn't. Harry's body went stiff when felt his uncle's breath against the back of his neck.

Harry dropped the plate that he was washing when he felt his uncle grab his crotch. Harry could feel his uncle lean in towards him and whisper into his ear, "Why don't you go ahead and scream for you aunt. She'll make me stop. I know you want it to stop. Now all you have to do is just scream out."

Harry knew that his uncle was just playing with his mind. His uncle knew that Harry wanted it to stop more than anything in the world. But Harry also knew that if he screamed out he was going to get it worse the next time.

Harry picked up another dirty plate out of the sink and tried to continue to wash the dishes. He was trying to ignore the other man who was pressed up against him. Harry felt his uncle grabbed his hips and press himself against his arse. "Oh, so you're a mute now, eh?" His uncle started to rub himself against Harry. Harry bit his bottom lip trying not to scream out for help. A tear rolled down his cheek from anger and frustration.

He continued to try and wash the dishes but failed miserably. Vernon grabbed the dish out of Harry's hand and put in back into the sink. He grabbed Harry's hair and jerked Harry's head back. His uncle pressed his lips against Harry's ear and whisper to him, "You best watch yourself, boy. When they are gone nobody will be able to hear you scream. Nobody will be able to save you then."

Harry felt himself being grabbed and shoved out of kitchen. Harry's head busted against the corner of the table in the entryway, causing his glasses to shatter. The glass from the lens made a gash above his left eye. He then landed on the ground hard. He had gotten a mouth full of carpet and several carpet burns. Harry looked up at his uncle but his vision blurred as the blood from his cut started to trickle down into his eyes.

He heard his uncle whisper harshly at him, "Go upstairs and get Dudley's and Petunia's bags." Harry looked, well, tried to look at his uncle in disbelief. "NOW!!"

Vernon gave him a hard kick into his side; Harry scrambled to get up. He tripped over himself as he attempted to run up the stairs. Harry wiped the cut off with the back of his hand, only causing the blood to smear even more across his face. Harry walked by Dudley's room and continued down the hall to the master bedroom.

The door was already open so he walked in. Her suitcase was sitting on the bed. Harry walked over to the bed and grabbed the suitcase. He heard a noise behind him; he turned around and his aunt. When she looked at Harry her mouth fell open and a stifled sound came out.

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Petunia Dursley was upstairs in the master bedroom of her home packing. She was furious with her husband. _He's been acting so strangely. He has never missed any of Dudley's matches. I just can't believe that he's not coming. This just doesn't seem like him. He has been acting so odd since the day Harry punched a hole into the wall. I guess he figures that Harry will do something again. I don't blame him; Harry has been and never will be anything but trouble._

As she was putting a few dresses into her suitcases she heard one of her plates fall and crash. _That damned boy. He has no respect for anything. Always tearing our stuff up. He has been nothing but a burden for my family and me. Why did Dumbledore **have **to put him here of all places? Couldn't he have gone to live with that murdering godfather of his? Sometime I wish he had died along with his parents. No, wait, I don't wish that. The poor boy has suffered enough without me wishing him dead._

Petunia put the last few items that she had into her suitcase and zipped it up. She heard a loud thud coming from down stairs shortly followed by a strangled cry. She tried to ignore it; she just figured that Harry must have tripped and fallen. Petunia walked into her private bathroom to check her makeup once again before heading out of the house. She heard someone enter her room so she walked out.

She saw the back of Harry holding her suitcase. The boy turned around and she let out a startled cry. Harry just looked so…so awful. Harry's eyes were red from the tears, he had blood smeared across his face, he had a huge gash on his forehead, it looked as though he had bitten his lip to hard for it was bleeding too, busies were starting to take form on Harry's arms and stomach, his right eye looked like it had been blackened, it looked as though he had a few carpet burns on his body.

Petunia had never seen anyone look so battered before. She couldn't have imagined what had happened to the boy. Petunia walked over towards him she raised her hand to touch Harry's face. He flinched away; he was scared of her touch. _Why is he so frightened of me? What happened to him? Why does it look like he has been crying or something?_

"Harry…"she began to say. "Harry, what happened to you?" She tried to ask as gently as she could.

Harry didn't answer her. He picked her suitcase up once again and walked out of the room. He walked down the hallway to Dudley's room. Harry took a deep breath before knocking on his door. Slowly, he opened the door and entered. Dudley gave him an odd look before nodding towards his packed clothing. He grabbed Dudley's suitcases and walked back out of his room.

He walked down the stairs out of the house. Harry put the suitcases into the trunk of the car and went back into the house. When Harry entered his uncle gave him a nasty look. Harry walked up the stairs and went into his room. He laid down onto his bed. When he raised his head up off of the pillow he noticed that his head was still bleeding.

The raven-haired picked himself up off of the bed. Harry was about to go to the bathroom to clean himself up when he heard his uncle yelling his name. He turned around and started to walk back down the stairs. He came face to face with the Dursleys.

"Now, I don't want you to tear anything up while I drive them to King's Cross. I should be back soon." His uncle warned him.

They walked out of the house and slammed the door into Harry's face. Harry looked out the window at them. They were all smiling and for some reason Dudley was laughing. He watched them get into the car and drive away. Harry returned back upstairs and went into the bathroom. He washed his face, attempting to cleanse the blood.

Harry looked up at the medicine cabinet. He knew that this would probably be the only chance he has. He opened the cabinet. He searched through it until he found a familiar item. His fingers twisted around the object. Harry brought the familiar cold object to his pale skin before letting it rip through the pale flesh on his arm. Harry figured that nobody would notice it; it blended right in with all of the other cuts and buries.

A sharp gasp interrupted into the room. Harry's whole body shook from the pain. But the pain was good pain; it was controllable pain. It was Harry's option on whether he got to feel this type of pain. No one else could change this. Not one person could make Harry stop it or do it. It was his choice. He had control over at least one thing in his life and this was it.

Soon after cutting himself Harry walked back into his room. He laid himself down onto his bed. He laid his head upon the blood stained pillow. Harry shut his eyes, trying to wish away his life. Harry laid there not wanting to move. He hoped that he could die, that he could fly away from this life.

Harry started to drift off to slumber land when he heard a car pull up into the driveway. Harry crushed his eyes shut hoping that he was imaging the sound of a car. He heard the sound of a car door slam. Harry bit down onto his lips. He hoped that if he focused on it not being really then maybe it wouldn't be real.

Harry heard the sound of the front door opening. His body began to shake uncontrollably; he was frightened. He was wishing that his mind could at least escape even he couldn't. Harry heard the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs. He began to take in sharp gasps. Harry was trying so hard just to make it all seem like a dream even though he knew it wasn't.

Harry heard the sound of his door opening. Harry bit down on his lips even harder trying to make himself stop shaking and to try and stop gasping. Harry could feel someone sit down beside him on the bed. A tear started to roll down his cheek. Harry felt someone reach out and touch his arm. Harry shoved his face into his blood stained pillow. He was scared. He knew what was going to happen, again.

Harry felt someone grab his face and turn it around. Harry's eyes fluttered open and tried to see the person in front of him. The man showed no emotion towards Harry. More tears started to roll down Harry's red cheeks. Harry felt the man's hands wander down lower on his body. Harry felt like he was to become sick.

Harry was rolled over onto his stomach. Harry started to sob even harder into the pillow. All he wanted to do was to disappear, to melt away and never have to come back. Harry knew that if he couldn't disappear at least his mind could go somewhere else. His mind could escape. His mind could go to a happier place. His mind could go to a happy life that Harry had never got to know.

Harry could feel his night pants and his boxers being pulled off. Harry started to breathe harder and faster. He was starting to make himself hyperventilate. Harry could hear the sound of his uncle undressing himself. Harry bit his lip with such pressure that split open; he was trying to keep himself from moaning out.

Harry felt his uncle press himself against Harry's entrance. Harry's body was covered in sweat. He was nervous and anxious and scared. Harry felt his uncle push himself inside of Harry. Harry screamed out. Harry's body began to thrash around. He wanted to get out; he wanted to get away.

Harry felt his uncle tighten his grip on him making Harry stop thrashing around. All Harry could do now was just lay there. He couldn't escape; he couldn't fight his uncle off unless he wanted to be broken in half like a twig. Harry could feel his uncle thrusting himself into him harder and faster. Harry started to cry once again. His uncle was by no means being gentle.

Harry heard his uncle groan. Harry felt like he was going to end up becoming sick. Harry could feel his uncle explode inside of him. Harry almost sighed with relief; it was over. Harry could feel his uncle getting off of him. Harry's breath started to slow down. Harry could hear his uncle start to dress himself once again. Harry's tears began to dry. Harry could hear his uncle leave the room. Harry couldn't do anything. Harry was left there lying helpless and hurt.

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One week later, Harry was lying in his bed asleep. It was a two hours before Vernon Dursley would have to go pick his wife and son up from the train station. Vernon who was wide wake started to leave the kitchen and head upstairs for his nephew's room. He slowly turned the doorknob and entered the room. He shut the door behind him. Vernon walked over to the bed. He looked down at the sleeping boy.

Harry was lying in his bed having another nightmare about strange people dieing. He started to thrash out and become violent. Harry faintly heard a door opening and shutting but he thought that it was all a part of his dream. Harry began to hear more noises, like someone undressing, and someone climbing onto a bed. But he still thought that it was his dream.

Harry suddenly felt like he was naked, like his clothing had been ripped off of his small frame. Harry's eyes burst open as his uncle entered him. He then knew that it wasn't a dream. His mind was still somewhat sleep clogged so he didn't know exactly what was going on.

Harry could feel his uncle thrusting into him. He could feel the weight of the other man pressing on his back. Harry tried to pull away, but he couldn't move. Harry started to try and hit his uncle with his hands but his uncle just grabbed them and held them down. Harry tried to kick at his uncle, but they just got tangled up in the sheets. It was useless; he was trapped once again underneath his uncle.

After Vernon was done he grabbed his clothing and left the room. Harry tried to get up; he needed to go use the bathroom. Then he heard his uncle in the shower; he was afraid to move while his uncle was still in the house, let alone go to the bathroom. So instead of getting up and going to the bathroom, Harry just laid there in his bed.

While Harry's uncle was in the shower Harry was trying to come up with away to get out of the house. He quickly decided that if he were to do anything it should be while his uncle was picking up Petunia and Dudley. He decided that as soon as he leaves Harry should run downstairs pick the lock to the cupboard, put his belongings back in his trunk, run out of the house, wave his wand so that the Knight Bus will come get him, and go to Diagon Alley.

An hour later and Harry heard his uncle open the front door and walk out. Harry slowly sat up in his bed; he was waiting. Then he heard it, the engine starting. Harry quickly jumped out of his bed and threw some of his clothes on. He grabbed his pillowcase that was under the loose floorboard.

Harry ran down the hall to the bathroom and threw the medicine cabinet open. He was searching for an item that he knew would be very very useful. Harry was growing antsy; he couldn't find it. Finally when he was about to turn away he saw it. He quickly grabbed it and shoved it into his pocket.

Harry began to run down the stairs, he couldn't exactly see right without his glasses so he had to guess that he was on the steps right. He figured that he didn't have any more steps; he was wrong. He tripped and fell. Harry busted his chin open on the hard floor.

He didn't care; all he knew was that he needed to get the hell out of there. He knew that no one would be able to save him, but him. Nobody knew what was going on, and Harry didn't want anyone to know what had happened. Harry knew that if he wanted out of that house he was going to have to break out himself. He knew that he couldn't wait around for someone to finally show up and help him. He had to do it himself. He was going to be his own saviour.

Harry picked himself up off of the floor and ran over to the cupboard. Harry shoved his hand into his pocket searching for the thing that he had just placed there. He pulled it out; it was a bobby pin. He quickly went to work at trying to unlock it. When he thought he had it, the bobby pin broke.

Harry quickly ran back upstairs to grab another one. When he came back down stairs he shot a glance at the clock. He figured that he had about 10 minutes to get out. He quickly started to get to work on trying to pick the lock once again. This time he managed to get it open.

Harry quickly grabbed his trunk and broom out of the cupboard. Harry opened his trunk and shoved all of his belongs into it. He took another look back at the clock. _SHIT!! They should be here any second!! _Harry sprinted over to the door and ripped it open. He shoved his trunk out the door and then followed it.

He slammed the door shut and grasped the handle to his trunk. He knew that no magic was allowed, but right now he thought that it would be extremely useful. But he dared not to use it. He didn't want another repeat of last year. So, with his trunk at hand he made his way down the driveway.

Harry heard the sound of a car coming towards him. He whipped his head around to see that it was the Dursley's car slowly making its way up the street. Harry grabbed his wand out of his pocket and waved. He hoped that like always the Knight Bus would show up extremely fast.

Harry could tell that the Dursley's noticed that it was he, with his wand out in broad daylight. Their car started to drive faster down the road. Harry's heart jumped to throat. _Where is it?? It should be here by now!!_ With that thought the Knight Bus appeared with a rather loud BANG. Harry almost died from joy. He thought that he was going to be caught. He thought that he was going to be dragged back into the Dursley's house.

Stan stepped out of the Knight Bus and began to say, "Welcome to the Knight Bus--"

"No time Stan!!" Harry shouted at him as he looked at the ever-nearing car. Stan looked a little take back but didn't say anything.

" Alrigh' alrigh' but firs' you gotta pay."

Harry quickly grabbed eleven sickles out of his moneybag and shoved them in Stan's hand. Harry and Stan lifted Harry's trunk up into the bus with Hedwig's cage on top. Stan directed Harry over to one of the beds.

"Whoss that you 'ere runnin' from?"

"The Dursleys." Harry said flatly.

"Woss happene' to you?" Harry raised his hand and touched his head. When he brought his hand away he saw blood on his fingertips.

"Nothing. I, um, I fell, that's it! I um fell down the stairs."

" 'hat's how yous gotta bruises all o'er and stuff?" Stan said suspiciously.

"Yeah."

"I don' believe ya, but I take your 'ord." Stan said before he walked off back up to the front.

When Harry finally sat down. He looked up at the newspaper that a strange old woman was reading. He could barely make out the date. But he already knew what day it was. Harry looked down at his feet and whispered the ending of a song to himself, "Happy Birthday to me."

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Author's Note: I am still very very sorry for the late update!!! Anyway, if you like what you read review!!! If not, well review and tell me what you didn't like!! REMEMBER your options matter to me; after all you guys are the ones reading my story!!!


	5. Diagon Alley

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Author's Note: I would like to say HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13TH!!!! I am so sorry about how late in the day this update is…but with this very long chapter and in my other story **Unspeakable Passions, **which also had a long chapter… well, it just took me a long time to write both of them…. Sorry!!!

Chapter Five

Diagon Alley

Harry stepped off of the Knight Bus. He grabbed his trunk and proceeded to drag it into the Leaky Cauldron. He tried to looked up at the bar keeper Tom, but it was difficult since he didn't have his glasses. Tom came over to Harry.

"So what can I do for you Mr. Potter?" Tom looked at Harry suspiciously. Mainly just looking at all of the cuts and bruises that covered Harry's body.

"I need a room."

"Will you be staying until you return back to school?"

"Yes."

"Very well." Tom said. The old man rubbed his chin as though he was considering something. "Follow me, Mr. Potter. You'll be staying in your old room, room eleven."

Harry nodded and followed Tom up the stairs to his room. Tom opened the door and helped Harry get settled into the room before leaving Harry standing there alone by himself. Harry walked over to the door that Tom left open and shut it. Harry walked back into the centre of the room and looked around.

This room was going to be his new little home once again. Harry took his clothes out of his trunk and hung him in the small closet. Harry went around placed a few of his items here and there; just to give the room a homey feeling. After Harry had organized everything in the way he wanted, he went down the stairs and into the bar.

Harry went over to bar and sat down at one of the stools. Tom gave Harry an odd look but didn't say anything. Harry looked up at the selections of the different types of drinks that were available. The bartender Tom walked over to Harry and gave him a drink. Harry looked up at Tom but Tom just pointed to a man sitting at the other end of the bar.

The raven-haired boy stood up and walked down to the other end of the bar to thank the man who bought him the drink. But when Harry finally came into eyesight of whom the man was Harry stopped dead in his tracks. It was Draco Malfoy. Not wanting to be rude Harry walked over to Draco and sat down in the seat next to him.

"Um…thanks Malfoy." Draco looked up at Harry.

"You're looking good," Draco said while staring down Harry.

Harry sneered at Draco and said, "Is that why you invited me over here… to make fun of how I look?"

"First off I didn't invite you over here, I just bought you a drink. You looked like you didn't know what to choose. Obviously you don't drink much. So I thought I would make your decision a little easier, so I chose for you."

"Oh how very kind of you." Harry said while rolling his eyes.

"Potter?"

"What?"

"What did happen to your face?"

"I don't want to talk about it." Harry said truthfully.

With that comment Draco waved his hand. That way Tom knew to bring some more drinks over to the boys. Tom came and sat to glasses in front of the boys. Harry grabbed his glass and gulped it down. Harry was trying to drown himself in the liquor; he was trying to forget about the last week with his uncle. Draco watched Harry drown his sorrows in the bottom of a glass. _Someone is thirsty. He'll end being so wasted that he'll end up telling me what happened to his face._

The more Harry drank the more drink Draco ended up having to buy. When Harry had finally stopped drinking he looked over at Draco who was as just as equally drunk.

"Why are you buying me all of these drinks?"

"It looks like you could use them. And I have the money to spare."

"Oh," was all Harry could think of to say.

"So what happened to your face?"

"Why do you want to know that I got beat?" _Aaahhhh, so he was beat…by whom? _"Why do you care about my cuts and bruises?"

"I don't." Harry gave Draco an odd look so Draco quickly explained, "I meant what happened to your glasses?"

"Why would you care?" Harry tried to sneer, but in his drunken state it didn't work out to well.

"I didn't mean that in a negative way."

"Well, it doesn't matter. I can't see a damned thing without them. That is going to be the first thing I buy tomorrow."

"That's too bad." Draco replied truthfully.

"What do you mean 'too bad'?"

"I mean you look good with out them. I love to look at your eyes. They're just so beautiful and with those silly things on, I can't see them."

Harry blushed a crimson colour. He then ordered another drink. He was watching Draco out of the corner of his eye. He saw the blonde boy yawn. So he asked, "You sleepy?"

"Only a little."

"Then maybe we should go upstairs."

Harry stood up and waited for Draco to do the same. When Draco attempted to stand up he staggered backwards then forwards and ran right into Harry. Causing both of the boys to fall on their arses. Harry couldn't help but to giggle like a girl when he caught the blonde Slytherin in his arms.

When they both got to their feet again Draco began to walk in front of Harry. He turned around grabbed Harry's hand and began to lead him upstairs. Draco stopped in front of a door. Harry looked up at the number of the door; it was room 13. Draco took his wand out and pointed it at the door and said "Alohomora." Harry gave Draco a confused look. Draco slurred out, "I don't want anyone getting into my stuff."

Harry shrugged and followed Draco into the room. When they were both in the room Draco locked the door back. Draco directed Harry over to two chairs set up in the corner of the room. Harry sat down and eyed the Slytherin.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I was thinking…"

"About what?"

"You."

"What about me?"

"I had a dream about you."

"What kind of dream?" Draco teased.

"Not that kind."

"Then what kind? What was it about?"

"Well, it wasn't really a dream more of a vision…"

"Since when Harry you been a _seer_?"

"I'm not a _seer…_I can just see certain things about Voldemort's life…"

"Then how does that involve me?"

"I saw what he did to you a couple weeks ago."

"Oh…"

"Why did Snape and your father do that to you?"

"Because I told my father that I wasn't going to follow in his steps. I told him I wouldn't be come a death eater. Needless to say he was pissed."

"So then why was Snape there? I mean why was he helping them? I thought he was on our side… I mean he's in the order and everything…"

"He is on the _light _side. Dumbledore already knew that he was going to do it. I talked to him about it. I pretty much sacrificed myself."

"But why would you do that?"

"Voldemort was beginning to question Severus' loyalty. And if he brought his own godson up for conviction. Then Voldemort would know that he was being loyal."

"But why would you do that for Snape?"

"Let me put it this way, he has helped me out numerous times. So it's only fair that I help him out."

"Yes, but I doubt he got hurt as badly as you did."

"Actually he got hurt worse."

"What do you mean? What happened?"

"My father got drunk like he always does…and he needed a release."

"What do you mean?"

"I got to become my father's personal punching bag. Whenever he got drunk he would always come after me. He would say that I was a no good little brat and that I didn't deserve the Malfoy name."

"What did Snape do?"

"One day when I was about 10 my father had gotten completely wasted. This time when he came after me he had his wand with him. He said that he was going to clean the Malfoy name."

"You don't mean…"

"Yeah, the sick bastard was going to kill me. That time when he came after me, I hide. I went to my father's study and grabbed some Floo Powder and went to Severus' house. I told him what my father was trying to do. He put me in a closet in his house and left to go to my house. He said that he would go talk to my father."

"So what happened to him?"

"Well, neither Severus or my father know, but I followed Severus back to my house. I didn't want Severus to get hurt so I followed him. Severus and father had a fight in the living room. My father put the Cruciatus Curse on him and beat him. I flooed myself back to Severus'. I was scared. I couldn't watch anything else he did. When Severus finally did come back to his house. He looked like death. I couldn't even believe that he was still alive."

"So that's why you did this for Snape?"

"Yeah, I mean, I owe the guy my life. Without him I wouldn't be living right now."

"What about your father?"

"He stopped drinking during my third year. But he still didn't stop the beatings. So I ran away. I come here every summer. Nobody could pay me enough to go back to that place…"

"So you stay here? Every summer?"

"Yes. This room and Hogwarts are my home." Both boys sat in silence for some time before Draco asked Harry, "Are you going to tell me what happened to your face now?"

"I guess."

"You know you already said that you got beat…"

"I did?"

"Yes. So you beat you?"

"My uncle…"

"The muggle?"

"Yes."

"Why did he beat you?"

"Because he said I deserved it. He said it was punishment."

"Punishment for what?"

"Calling my cousin gay, not being easy enough, wanting it all to stop, punching a hole in the wall…"

"Why did you call your cousin gay?"

"Because I punched a hole in the wall then my uncle beat me. My cousin didn't believe me."

"Ok we've two things done with. What about 'not being easy enough' what's that supposed to mean?"

"You've got to swear that what I tell you…it won't leave this room."

"I won't tell anyone."

"My uncle, he raped me."

"WHAT!?!"

"Draco don't yell…"

"But…why…why would he do that?"

"I don't know… he said that it was my punishment."

"For what?"

"I don't know…I guess breathing, living, something."

"So what happened…I mean what happened to were you wanted to run away?"

"My aunt and cousin went on a week long trip. So that whole week, like two or three times a day…he would…he would do it."

Draco and Harry both sat in silence for a few moments before Draco asked, "What happened to your glasses?"

"I was in the kitchen washing the dishes and he shoved me out of the kitchen. I busted my head on a table. They shattered and the glass went everywhere some of it cut me right here." Harry replied while trailing his fingers over the cut.

Draco stood up from his chair. He walked over to Harry. He held his hand out. He traced his fingers over the newly made scar. His fingers froze; he then dropped his hand to where it rested at his side. Silver eyes met Emerald. Draco leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Harry's lips.

Harry was shocked at first. But soon let the feeling that was going threw his body take control. Draco pulled back from Harry; he wanted to look into those eyes. They both smiled at each other. Draco walked over to the other side of the room. He took all of his clothing off except for his boxers and crawled into the bed.

Harry felt like he was put into a trance as the other boy began to undress himself. Harry just sat there watching the other boy. Until Draco called out for Harry to join him. He stripped his clothing off besides his boxers and laid down onto the bed with Draco. Harry crawled over to the to the other man. He laid down beside him.

Draco reached over and grabbed Harry. He then pulled him closer to himself. Draco traced his fingers up and down Harry's spine. This movement caused Harry to gasp out; Draco's touch had sent a cold chill through his body. Draco pulled Harry closer to himself. He leaned in and placed a light kiss upon Harry's lips.

Harry ran his fingers through Draco's hair. He grabbed Draco's head and pulled him closer, deepening their kiss. Harry lightly bit on Draco's bottom lip. Sending an overwhelming feeling of pleasure through Draco's body. He complied and opened his mouth, reviling his taste to Harry.

As their tongues swirled around each others causing a fire to spread within both boys' bodies. Draco ran his hand down Harry's fine cut stomach, stopping when he reached the top of Harry's boxers. Harry moaned out as Draco's hand glided over the soft fabric that was hiding Harry's arousal. Draco pulled away from Harry's kiss. He wanted to look into Harry's beautiful eyes.

Draco's cleaver hand slipped underneath the fabric and began to tease Harry's erection. Draco wrapped his hand around Harry and began to thrust his hand up and down on him. Harry leaned forward and captured Draco in another kiss. Harry began to moan into their kiss as Draco moved his hand faster on Harry.

Harry let his hands explore Draco's body, sliding over his shoulders and down his back and up over his chest. His fingers brushed over Draco's nipples and Draco made a soft, quiet noise in the back of his throat. Shyly Harry began to rub his hand over Draco's arousal as well. Harry pulled Draco's boxers off of him. He began to run his hands over the insides of Draco's thighs. Draco gasped when Harry took a hold of him. Becoming restless Draco flipped himself on top of Harry.

Draco pushed down against him, rubbing their erections together, and Harry's breath caught, bucking up against him. Draco ran his hands down Harry's chest and stopped at the waistband of his boxers. Looking up at Harry to make sure that he was okay with it, Draco took Harry's boxers off. Draco's hand once again grasped Harry's cock. Harry reached down also and took a hold of Draco.

Both boys began to slide their hands up and down each other. It felt odd for Harry to be holding someone else's cock. But nevertheless Harry wanted to pleasure it as much as he wanted his to be pleasured. Harry slowly moved his hand over Draco causing Draco to mummer out a few incoherent words.

Soon their hands became erratic and desperate, both boys were needing their releases. Harry ran his free hand up Draco's back and into his hair. Mummers, moans, and groans soon filled the room. Draco ran his hand down Harry's side, and then he plunged it underneath Harry and grabbed his arse.

Harry couldn't hold himself back any longer, his cock twitched in Draco's hand; he had met his release. Harry continued to stroke Draco's cock desperately. Harry wanted the other boy to come just as hard as he had. He wanted the boy to feel the same way. Draco's breaths turning into panting, he couldn't think properly any longer, his body began to shake; he could feel himself close to the edge.

"Harry…" Draco moaned out as he released himself into Harry's hand.

At first it shock Harry when Draco had came. He wasn't sure what to expect…but he wasn't expecting Draco to call out his name. Draco laid himself down on the bed beside Harry. He looked over at the Gryffindor and smiled. He had never seen the boy look more beautiful.

Draco leaned in and pressed a light kiss on Harry's lightening bolt scar. A sudden rush of fire spread through Harry's body as Draco's lips came into contact with his scar. Harry's body shook in Draco's arms. Harry pulled himself closer to Draco. He laid his head over Draco's heart.

The sound of Draco's heartbeat was music to Harry's ears. It was slowly starting to put him to sleep. Draco looked down at the boy in his arms. A small crept over his face as he saw the other boy sleeping peacefully in his arms. Draco leaned over and grabbed his wand out of his pants, which were lying on his bedside table

Draco whispered a simple spell and the light in the room disappeared. Leaving the two boys in total darkness. Draco curled his body around Harry's sleeping figure. Draco could smell the sweet scent of Harry's hair. It seemed to be hypnotizing him. Draco also soon found himself going to visit slumber land.

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The next morning the sun was glowing on full blast. A young man named Harry Potter rolled over in his bed. He opened his eyes but immediately shut them back. The sun was far too bright for his eyes this early in the morning. Not to mention that he had an extremely bad headache from all of the liquor he had consumed the day before.

Harry reached over for the bedside table to grab his wand. But there was no wand. Harry slowly opened his eyes and realized that he wasn't in his own room. _Where in the bloody hell am I?_Harry felt something odd behind him. It was heavy and moving slightly. Not to mention the warmth coming of if. Whatever it was it also had it's hands wrapped around him.

At that moment Harry's memories came slamming back into his mind. Talking to Draco down at the bar, them going back up to Draco's room, Draco talking about his father, him telling Draco about his uncle, Draco kissing him, then everything went black and Harry knew no more.

Harry slowly turned around. He opened his eyes and saw a very peaceful and innocent looking Draco Malfoy. Harry smiled. He had never in all his years at Hogwarts seen Draco look so peaceful and calm. Harry leaned into Draco. He liked the warmth coming off of him. _Who would have guess that such a cold person could be so warm?_

As Harry leaned into Draco, Draco's eyes began to flutter open. He looked down at the person that was snuggling close to him, the person that he had his arms wrapped around.

"Potter?" Draco says in disbelief.

Harry looks up at Draco with his mysterious green eyes. Harry gives him a small smile. Not knowing what he was doing, Draco began to play with Harry's hair. Harry leaned into Draco's touch…it just felt so good. Harry looked back up at Draco. Without realizing what he was doing, he leaned in and pressed a light kiss on Draco's lips.

Much to both boys' surprise, Draco kissed Harry back. Draco snaked his tongue across Harry's lips. Without hesitation Harry opened his mouth and let Draco in. When it finally clicked in their minds what they were doing, they pulled away from each other.

Harry flipped off the bed in his haste to get away from the Slytherin. It was only then that Harry realized that he had been naked. Harry looked down at himself then at Draco, who also seemed to realize Harry's naked state. Harry reached up and grabbed one of the sheets off of Draco's bed and covered himself.

Draco looked over at Harry uncertainly. _Oh Merlin, what in the hell did we do last night… THINK DRACO THINK!!!! WHAT HAPPENED!!! _Draco was yelling at himself mentally. It was at that moment when the memory of kissing Harry resurfaced to his brain. _Oh god, we didn't. We couldn't have._

It was obvious to Draco that Harry must have been thinking the same thing. Considering the look that Harry had on his face. Draco once again looked up at Harry, this time catching his eye. "It was a mistake."

"Draco, there is no such things as mistakes. There are only things that we do and things that we don't do."

Draco took a moment to think over what Harry had just said before asking, "Did we… well you know?"

"I don't know… I can't remember." Harry answered uncertainly.

"Me either."

"You don't think we did…. Do you?"

"I don't know…I mean why else would we be naked in _my _bed?"

"I don't know…I don't think that we…well you know…"

"Yeah…"

"I think I should leave…"

"That would probably be best."

Harry stood up with the sheet wrapped around himself, grabbed his clothes, and left the room. Harry quickly ran down the hallway to his own room and slammed the door behind him. Harry dropped his clothing and the sheet in the middle of the room and walked over to the bathroom.

Harry stood in front of the mirror to examine himself. He noticed a few love bites on his neck. _But you can't get those from just kissing. You can also get those from shagging also_, said an annoying little voice in the back of Harry's mind.

Harry ran his hand down his stomach. He froze. He felt something dried to his stomach. Harry looked down. His eyes went wide. "HOLY FUCK!!!" Harry shouted. _NO NO NO!!! THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING!!! NO FUCKING WAY IS THIS HAPPENING!!! _Harry took a deep breath.

__

I'm just imaging it. It's all in my mind. And all over you stomach, the little voice said once again. Harry heard a scream coming from the direction of Draco's room. _Obviously he's found what I've found. Well, if it's on my stomach…then that means that we obviously didn't go any further. _Sickened by his own thoughts and wanting to get _it _off of his stomach Harry stepped inside of the shower.

A few minutes later Harry had come out of the shower, gotten himself dressed and was now heading downstairs for breakfast. Harry saw a certain Slytherin sitting over in a dark corner. Harry walked over there and sat himself across from the Slytherin. Draco looked up from his cup of coffee. He saw that Harry had a worried expression on his face.

"I take it you found the same thing I did…"Harry began to say.

"Find what? I didn't find anything." Draco said stubbornly.

"I know you did…I could hear you scream."

"So what if I did find something."

"Well, then…" Harry began. He leaned in closer to Draco and began to whisper, "We obviously did do something last night, that we can't remember."

"Are you trying to say that _we _did something last night, Potter?" Draco said, still not trying to believe the obvious.

"DAMN IT DRACO!!!" Harry shouted, getting some odd looks from people around them.

"Would you just shut up already?" Draco whispered harshly.

"You know damn well as I do…that we did…well I don't know what we did, but we sure as hell did something!"

"I know that already Potter!! I had some nice little streaks of white on my bed to prove it too!! Now if you're done stating the obvious…" Draco began but was cut off as two owls swooped through the room.

They headed right for Harry and Draco. Both owls dropped their letters than flew back off. Harry looked at the letter in front of him it said,

__

Draco Malfoy

Diagon Alley

Leaky Cauldron

Room 13

Harry looked over at Draco who was also looking at him. Both boys swapped their letters back to their owners. Harry ripped his apart and pulled the letter out. It read:

__

Dear Mr. Potter,

__

We are pleased to inform you that you have an 'O' in Potions, Defence Against the Dark Arts, and Transfiguration, an 'E' in Charms, Herbology and Divination, an 'A' in History of Magic and a 'T' in Astronomy, bringing your total O.W.L count to 11.

Harry cringed when he saw the last grade for Astronomy, but he kept reading.

__

If you still would like to pursue your career choice as an Auror, it is recommended that you take the NEWT level of Charms, Defence Against the Dark Arts, Herbology, History of Magic, and Potions. However, if you feel that being an Auror is not what you want to do after all, come to your Head of House's office to discuss your options.

__

Sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall

Head of Gryffindor House

Deputy Headmistress

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Harry let out a whoop of happiness, drawing the attention of everyone in the room; he blushed slightly under the scrutiny. Harry looked up at Draco, who had just got done reading his letter.

"I believe you did well…otherwise you wouldn't be whooping."

"Yes, actually I think I did very good." Harry said while sticking his nose up in the hair.

"Well Mr. Smarty Pants, what did you get?"

"I got 11 O.W.L.s…what did you get?"

"I got 13 O.W.L.s." Draco quickly read over the books he would be needing for this school year. He looked up at Harry who was also reading his list. "I think that we should go to Diagon Alley by ourselves. If people see us together they'll get the wrong impression. They will either think you've gone mad and went to the evil side again or they'll think we are together."

"What makes you think they wouldn't think that you have come to the light?" Harry said sarcastically.

"Because people would rather think of you as a gay before me as a good person." Draco said in all honestly.

"Alright, alright, we'll go by ourselves. I don't know what made you think I would want to go with you anyway." Harry said while rolling his eyes.

"Oh shut up, Potter." Draco said as he stood up.

Harry and Draco made their ways out to the backyard still fussing over nothing. Harry pulled out his wand, tapped the third brick from the left above the trash bin, stood back and watched as the archway into Diagon Alley opened in the wall. Giving each other once last fake sneer they walked off in separate directions.

Harry first went to Gringotts to fill up his moneybag. Once he was out of there he headed over to a smaller shop and bought himself some new glasses. After he had found some new glasses he went over to Flourish and Blotts to buy his new books. Before Harry could even get into the store, he had already met up with an old friend, Ronald Weasley.

"Harry, mate!!!" Ron called out to him over the crowd. Harry walked over to Ron, a smile appearing on both boys' faces. "Sorry about this summer. Anyway, Happy Late Birthday."

"Thanks, Ron." Harry replied as a blush started to sweep over his face.

"How many O.W.L.s did you get?"

"I only got 11." Harry said; feeling slightly depressed that it wasn't a higher score. After hearing Draco's he thought that maybe he should have more.

"That's better than me…I only got 8." Ron said with a large grin on his face.

Harry could see a bushy haired girl walking their way. As she approached Harry called out hello to her, but she just blew right passed him and walked over towards Ron. "Ron, I think that we should be going." She grabbed Ron's hand and they just left. Leaving Harry standing there alone.

In the distance, a boy stood in the shadows watching Harry. He saw how Harry and Ron were getting along. He saw how Hermione came up. He saw how Harry had tried to talk to her. He her blow him off. He saw her take Ron away from Harry, leaving Harry alone. After seeing this Draco Malfoy officially hated Hermione Granger.

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That night Harry Potter was in his room putting his new belongings away in his trunks when he heard screaming from room number 12. Harry was trying to ignore the people yelling and he was about to go downstairs for dinner when he overheard Ron's voice saying sorry.

"SORRY!?!?! YOU'RE SORRY!?!?!"

Harry quickly walked over to the wall and placed his ear against it. Trying to here better of what Hermione and Ron were arguing about.

"Hermione, would you please just calm down."

"CALM DOWN!?!?! CALM DOWN!?!?! RONALD WEASLEY I SWEAR I SHOULD KILL YOU SOMETIMES!!!"

"HERMIONE!!! WOULD YOU LISTEN TO ME??? Nothing happened…"

"NO YOU LISTEN TO ME!!! HE'S DANGEROUS RON!!! YOU HEARD WHAT HE SAID!!! THERE IS SERIOUSLY SOMETHING WRONG WITH HARRY!!!"

"NO THERE ISN'T!!! THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU HERMIONE!!! I DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO YOU BASH MY BEST FRIEND!!!"

"RON IF YOU WOULD JUST LIS--"

"NO YOU LISTEN!!! I KNOW WHAT PERCY SAID!!! I WAS RIGHT THERE BESIDE YOU!!! But I don't believe it!!! Harry hasn't changed!!! He's the same old Harry that we've been going to school with for the last 5 years!!! There is nothing different about him 'Mione!!"

"YES THERE IS!!! Ron I'm not saying he's evil, but there is something wrong with him. He is fucking connected to VOLDEMORT!!! He can see inside of his mind and Voldemort can see inside of his!!! He's not safe!! You can't tell him anything, without risking Voldemort knowing!!! Last year, he about got us all KILLED RON!!! He did get Sirius killed. Do you want to be next???"

"Hermione, that makes no sense."

"If you _would _have actually listened to Percy then it would. There is a prophecy Ron. Either Harry dies or Voldemort dies. One of them has to kill the other in the end. That's why Voldemort has been coming after Harry all of these years. He's been trying to kill him. I doubt that he would care if he has to kill us along with Harry!! I'm sorry but I'm not going to risk my neck for someone who will end up dieing."

"Hermione you don't know that. Harry has beaten him year after year, what makes you think he'll lose?"

"Because there is some magic that is so dark Ron, that I know Harry wouldn't even consider touching. But I know Voldemort would use that against him. Ron, please just stay away from him. At least for now. At least until we get all of the facts."

"Hermione, I don't think I can do-"

"Please, Ron. If you got hurt or killed I don't know what I would do. Please, just stay away from him."

"Fine."

Harry walked over to his bed and sat down on the corner of it. He could hear Ron and Hermione's door open then close. He could hear them walking downstairs. Harry suddenly didn't feel like going downstairs anymore. Harry placed his head in his hands and began to cry. _That's why I couldn't come over this summer. They think I'm going to end up killing them all. They think I'm just some kind of dangerous weapon. They think that I'm going to…to die. They're never going to talk to me again. I don't have any friends anymore. My friends completely hate me…_

There was a knock on the door. Harry quickly dried his tears and called out for the person to come in. Draco slowly opened the door. He walked in and shut it back. He strolled over to Harry's bed and sat down beside him. Draco looked at Harry. He could that Harry had just been crying.

"I…um…"

"You heard?" Harry asked

"Yeah. I did." Draco said thoughtfully

"Is that why you're hear now?"

"Yes and No." Draco took a deep breath, "I came to see how you were after I heard that. But I also came because I want to see you."

Harry looked up at Draco. A small smile appeared on the boys full red lips. _Funny how little things can always make everything seem to be okay. Funny how certain people can make you feel, _the little voice said once again. Harry leaned over towards Draco and kissed him once again.

Draco and Harry stripped their clothes off once again and crawled into bed with each other. This time Draco disappeared underneath the sheets. He wrapped his mouth around Harry's member and began to suck and tease him. Harry grabbed Draco's hair and began to thrust himself into Draco's mouth. Draco shoved Harry's hips against the bed so Harry couldn't move.

Harry began to mumble incoherently as Draco kept teasing the underside of his cock. Draco came up and began to swirl his tongue around the head of Harry's cock. Harry could feel that he was close to his release. "Draco…I'm gonna…" Draco then swallowed Harry's entire length. After a few more moments of Draco's endless teasing Harry came into Draco's mouth.

Draco came out from under the sheets and kiss Harry lightly on the lips. Harry flipped Draco over onto his back; Harry wanted to return the favour. He went down and licked the slit on Draco's head. Draco's breath caught in his throat. Fire and ice spread through his body as Harry continued suck him.

Harry's innocence and not knowing what he was doing was turning Draco on even more. He liked the fact that Harry would do little things not knowing if they were right or not. But he did them anyway. Draco's mind began to scream for release.

"Harry…please…faster…"

Harry began to suck Draco off faster and harder. But not hard enough for Draco. He ended up bucking his hips up causing to put more of himself in Harry's mouth. Harry let go of Draco's hips and let him. Draco thrust himself into Harry's mouth. More mumbling could be heard coming out of Draco's mouth.

With one last thrust, Draco called out Harry's name, and came violently. Harry crawled back up to Draco and laid down beside him. He leaned in. Full red lips met pale pink lips.

"Is this what you think we did last night?" Harry teased.

"No…otherwise it wouldn't be all over my sheets." They both laughed before snuggling close together and falling asleep.

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Author's Note: Once again. Sorry about how late at night this is!!! Also, can you believe that at first I didn't plan on writing Draco in this chapter!! Now that I have added him, I like this chapter a lot more!!


	6. The Train Ride

**Author's Note: **I cannot believe how freaking long this chapter turned out to be! I think it's funny because I was planning on this being one of the shortest chapters and for now, it's the longest one that I have ever written. Anyway, on with the story!

I also want to say _I am really, **really sorry **for not updating sooner. _It's just that for the last year or so my life has done a complete flip-flop. Thanks for still being loyal fans.

**Chapter 6**

**The Train Ride **

Harry stood hesitantly in front of the door to the compartment, which held Ron, Hermione, Dean, Ginny, Seamus, and Neville. He stood outside of the door and watched them. They were all chatting so happily. They all had great big smiles that were spread across their faces. Not one person in that room seemed to notice or care that Harry wasn't in there enjoying himself along with them. The Gryffindor's eyes scanned the room. He noticed that Ron and Hermione's hands were interlocked; Ron's thumb was gently caressing Hermione's hand. Ginny and Seamus' hands were also together, expressing their love for everyone to see. He could hear his once friend's merry laughter and wondered how anyone cold be so happy.

Rapping his fingers around the doorknob, Harry felt faintly depressed. He began to turn it, but he let his hand fall off the handle. He had raised his head to look back through the window but he caught Hermione's eye. She turned her head and stared at him; he face turned into a sneer and began to glare at him as though she had seen something very foul and disgusting. Harry slowly began to turn around but he looked back behind him once more. Hermione's smile was now back on her faces as she snuggled closer to Ron. Her sharp eyes were still watching Harry, taunting him to open the door. He began to walk away from the cheerful smile, the merry laughter, his old life.

Sighing heavily, he walked up and down the small hallway looking for an empty compartment. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to be able to think. Finally, at the end of the hall he spotted a compartment that only held one occupant. Harry looked through the window trying to make out who the person was. He couldn't tell who the mysterious person was; Harry assumed that it was a he considering the person looked nothing like a she.

The person was dressed in nothing but black from head to toe. For some strange reason the person had reminded him of a little rhyme (_Miss Mary Mack all dressed in black) _that he had heard his aunt read to Dudley. The man had on black cloak but the cloak was open but only revealed more black clothing. The hood on the cloak was drawn up around the man's face. It looked like the man was trying to hide his face, as if he didn't want anyone to know that it was him. All the man seemed to want to do was stare out the window.

Harry continued to stare at the person, watching him for any movements to give away his identity. Suddenly the person shifted in his seat. His face snapped towards the door. Emerald eyes met silver eyes once again. The silver-eyed boy attempted to give a small smile, but faltered. Harry slowly began to open the door to the compartment.

Once he entered, he shut the door behind him. The other boy shifted slightly in his seat when Harry sat down across from him. He began to eye Harry wearily. He began to open his mouth as if he were about to say something but then shut his mouth back, as though he thought it would be best not to say what he was about to.

While blushing, he slowly began to look away; he didn't like being stared at like that. The other boy continued to stare at him. Harry looked over at the silver-eyed boy out of the corner of his eye. _He's **still** staring at me! Why? _The silver-eyed boy gave a small nod towards Harry causing pieces of his platinum blonde hair to hair out behind the hooded cloak.

Harry's gave a slight twinkle and he too nodded. Both had mad their silent hellos. The blonde boy turned his head and began to stare once more out of the window. Blonde and brunette both gave a surprised gasp as the train gave a sudden jerk and began to slowly start to make its way out of the train station.

The boy began to nod his head as sleep began to engulf his small, pale form and Harry couldn't help himself but to watch him. The blonde boy pressed his face against the window and slowly began to nod off to sleep. Harry also began to stare out of the window; he watched the scenery flash by without ever really seeing it.

Harry tried not to think of the constant late night meetings that he had been having with Draco Malfoy for the last couple of weeks. Though they never really went past grouping, touching, licking, sucking, but never fucking they both had made a truths not to talk about it anymore, a truths that when they reached Hogwarts they would no longer see each other. It would just be better that way, Harry had told Draco at their last meeting. Draco nodded and agreed to Harry's request, but Harry could tell that Draco really didn't want to agree.

He didn't know why he had forced Draco not to tell; it is just that once they got back to Hogwarts Harry wanted everything to be back to normal, even though he knew that things would never be the same again. He didn't want to be attached to Draco. He didn't want to be attached to anything. Nevertheless, at the same time, Harry knew that Draco was the only thing keeping him here. Letting him know that this is real, this is what is going on. Harry knew at that moment that he never should have let Draco slip through his fingers, but it was too late now.

Pressing his head against the cool glass Harry began to lose himself in sleep and a mixture of thoughts about Draco. His mind swirled into a realm of uncertainty as his body slowly drifted away into the darkness. Harry's eyes slowly fluttered open; he began to pull himself off the window. He didn't know how long he had been asleep, but he figured it had been a long time considering that it was now pick black outside. Harry looked over at the other occupant.

The blonde boy was now lying, curled up into a small ball on the seat across from him. The way he was laying was in a very defensive manor. He just looked even more at peace than he had any other time Harry had caught him sleeping. His face was very soft. The blonde's eyes were fluttering; it was obvious that he was dreaming. His mouth was slightly open, reviling his white teeth.

Harry saw something flash by out of the corner of his eye. He looked over at it. There she was, just staring at him. No, not staring, glaring at him. She was looking at him as if he was unworthy of life, looking at him as if he didn't even deserve to be near the blonde boy seated across from, looking at him as if he was about to pass on his 'evil ways' to the poor boy, looking at him as if he was the scum of the Earth.

Quickly, he turned his head away from the girl. He fixed his gaze on the window as the hot tears began to sting his face. He didn't understand, he couldn't understand why Hermione was acting the way she was. He had heard what she had said, but he refused to believe in it. He thought that if maybe, just maybe he pretended it wasn't real maybe then it wouldn't be real. It didn't matter, no matter how many times he prayed, hoped, and wished that it all would go away, it never did.

_It's the story of my fucking life; sorrow, depression, anger, and abuse. But never love. No, never love. If I was loved then all of this shit wouldn't matter. If I was loved, the world wouldn't seem so sad. If I was loved, I would never feel alone in a crowded room again. If I was loved, there would be no more tears to wash down my cheeks. If I was loved, then I wouldn't die alone. If I was loved, then this war would be worth fighting for. If I was loved, everything would somehow make sense. If I was loved, my hand would always be held. If I was loved, my heart wouldn't be torn the way it is. If I was loved, I would let people in. If I was loved, all of my defenses, all of my walls of protection, would come crashing down. If I was loved, everything would seem perfect, everything would seem right. _

Harry took deep breath in and slowly let it back out again. He turned his head to look back towards the window where Hermione had been standing, but she was no longer there, she had already left. Sighing with relief, he really didn't want to look back into her hating eyes once again. He never wanted to see that kind of emotion in Hermione ever again, especially directed at him. He looked back once again just to make sure that she really was gone. Still there was nothing there.

A loud gasp shook Harry from his thoughts. Harry looked over at the boy who had made the noise. He was almost frightened by the sight of him. The blonde's hood fell off his head, his platinum hair was sticking to his face from all of the sweat, he was taking in deep uncontrollable breaths, his body began to shake and tremble looking as though he was having a seizure, and he began to shake his head back and forth while mumbling incoherently.

Jumping over to the other seat, Harry tried to wake the boy up. Harry began to panic. _How in the hell am I supposed to wake him up with him flinging his arms and legs like this? How am I even supposed to get near him? How am I supposed to help him? _But those thoughts soon left his mind as the boy's eyes shot open.

But his eyes weren't normal. At first, they stared right up at Harry, but then they rolled back into blonde's head. Harry quickly straddled him. He bent down and grabbed the young boy's face. He wanted him to wake up but he didn't know how to wake him up. Harry began to grown even more panicky.

"DAMN IT! WAKE UP!" Harry shouted into the boy's face. Tears began to form on Harry's face; he didn't know what to do. "WAKE UP! PLEASE! JUST WAKE UP!"

Harry started to take in deep breaths, trying to calm himself, but it was useless. The young boy continued to fight Harry off. He continued to thrash his arms and legs around. Harry grabbed the boy's arms and pinned them down above the boy's head. Much to Harry's surprise the boy slowly started to stop moving, he slowly stopped trying to fight Harry off.

The boy's eyes shut once more but quickly reopened. This time they immediately focused on the figure straddling him. The boy let out a strangled sound and quick jerked himself out of Harry's arms. He knocked Harry off of him in the process of trying to get away from him. He back up against the corner of the seat and brought his knees up to his face. He looked over at Harry. Harry caught that emotion that was flashing through the boy's eyes, fright.

Standing up slowly, he didn't want to frighten the boy more than what he was already. Harry sat himself down next to the boy. He reached his hand out to brush a piece of hair out of blonde's face, but when silver-eyed boy saw Harry raise his hand, he flinched away. Hurt flashed through Harry's eyes. He didn't know why the boy was acting like this, but he knew whatever it was, something wasn't right.

Harry cocked his head to one side. The silver-eyed boy looked up at him. Harry gave him a half-hearted smile. The other boy backed himself even further into the corner. "Draco? What's wrong? Please, tell me." Harry whispered ever so softly.

Draco looked up at him; tears were burning their way down his pale-flushed cheeks. Draco slowly nodded his head, signaling that there was nothing wrong. Harry knew better than to fall for that. The only thing was that Harry wasn't so sure what was wrong or how to help him.

"Please, don't do that. I know that something is wrong. Just tell me. You can trust me. I'm here and I'm not leaving. Just tell me, Draco."

"You really want to know?" Draco asked quietly.

**bqbqbqbqbqbqbq**

Draco quickly grabbed his trunk and began to head towards the door of his room. He turned around and looked at the room once more. He loved the room for all of the memories him and a certain raven-haired boy had shared in the last few weeks. That was all over now, school was starting back again and both boys knew that once the returned to the school they would never be able to see each other any longer. For he, Draco was a Slytherin and the Harry was a Gryffindor, and everyone knew that those two houses were supposed to hate each other.

The silver-eyed boy turned back towards his door, laid his thin, pale fingers on the doorknob, and turned the knob, opening the door. He was about to walk out, but there was someone blocking the way. Strong, tan hands shoved Draco back into his bedroom. He lost his balance and fell backwards, landing on top of the bed. Two firm fire red lips smothered a loud gasp coming from Draco. Their mouths were interlocked; neither wanted the kiss to end.

Licking, nibbling, and biting are what soon became of their kiss. Suddenly, the person who was on top of Draco pulled away from him. Draco looked up and found himself lost inside of a pair of emerald green eyes. What he saw in those eyes were lust, passion, and sorrow. Draco could understand the lust and passion but he didn't know what to make of the sorrow.

The emerald-eyed boy leaned back into Draco for another kiss. He began to whisper into their kiss, "The last time," he pressed his lips against Draco's again and swirled his tongue around Draco's, "this has to be the last time, Draco."

Draco pulled away from the other boy's touch, "Harry, what do you mean 'the last time'?"

"This is it. No more secret meetings. No more kissing."

"Shut up Harry and just kiss me already."

Harry bent down again and captured Draco into another deep and fiery kiss. Harry's hands slowly slid down Draco's fronts. When they reached the buttons of his shirt, he slow began to undo them, slow exposing Draco's creamy white flesh. Harry's tongue slowly slid its way down to the nape of Draco's neck. Draco bent his neck allowing Harry more freedom to do whatever he wanted.

It was then when Draco noticed that the door still stood wide open; allowing any and everyone to walk passed and catch them in their little act. _Holy shit! Shit! Must…shut…door! _Draco shoved Harry off him. Harry gave him a look of confusion. Draco quickly got up off the bed; he could hear voices, and they were coming his way. He ran over to the door and slammed it shut. He leaned against the door his forehead touching the cool wood and let out a deep sigh. _That was too close, way too close. _

He turned around slowly. Harry gasped at the sight of him. Draco's shirt was undo exposing his flesh, his cheeks were tinted a dark pink, and their where little bites all over his neck and shoulder. Harry loved the way Draco's normally bright silver eyes turned to a dark pool of silver, whenever Draco was passionate. Harry thought that he could lose himself inside of those eyes.

Draco wanted to scream when he saw Harry. He was lying so innocently on his bed. Harry was sitting up with his legs parted, in an odd way Draco was reminded of a school girl. Draco's eyes grazed over the image of Harry. One thing that stuck out in his mind as he looked at Harry was Harry's lips. He loved how they were barely parted; he also loved how thick and red they were due to his excitement.

Draco didn't know how Harry always got him like this, but he did. Draco didn't know how he fell for Harry so fast, but he did. Draco didn't know how had claimed his heart, but he had. Draco didn't even know if he loved Harry, but somehow Draco's heart already knew.

He couldn't stand it for one more minute. Draco wanted Harry and it was obvious that Harry wanted him too. He jumped on the bed and quickly crawled over to Harry. Their lips met and both felt a burst of electricity go through them. It wasn't long after when on the floor laid two pairs of jeans, two pairs of shoes, and two shirts.

When they were done, Harry was lying in Draco's arms. Harry turned around in Draco's arms to where they were face to face. Harry looked up at Draco and smiled. Harry shifted uncomfortably. He looked down and sighed heavily. Draco got the feeling that Harry was about to say something that neither was going to like.

"Draco, I…" Harry began

"Shh…just a few more minutes. Whatever it is…I tell it's bad…so please, please just a few more minutes." Draco whispered into the silent room.

"Okay."

Draco lied there with Harry in his arms for quite sometime. He was absent-mindly stroked and played with Harry's hair. He didn't want this moment to ever be over. He knew that when it was, that Harry was going to say something. Most likely, something that will end up making him cry in the long run. Although, Draco knew that he would never cry in front of Harry, that would show too much weakness.

"Draco…I have to, I need to say this."

"What?"

"Once we're back, …once we're back at Hogwarts…I can't see you anymore."

"Why?" He asked, but he already knew the answer.

"There's just too much of a risk then. There are too many people who could accidentally run into us or catch us. It's just that it's too much of a risk."

"I think it's worth the risk." Draco mumbled very quietly.

There was an awkward silence between both boys for some time. Finally, Harry began to move. He got up grabbed his clothes and began to get dressed. Draco sat up beside him and also began to get dressed. Draco pulled on the rest of his clothes and now began to put his shoes back on. There was a loud sigh beside him. Draco looked over at the boy who had made the noise.

"What?" Draco asked quietly.

"I…I don't know. Maybe this isn't the right thing to do…I mean, I like doing…well, this."

"Then why do you want it to end?"

"There's too much of a risk of someone catching us."

"So I guess you're not willing to be caught? I guess I just don't mean enough to you is that it?"

"It's not like that; it's just that I don't know."

"What do you not know Harry?" Draco said with some anger in his voice.

"I'm not gay!" Harry shouted.

"Then what the _hell _were _you _doing with _me_!" Draco was furious by this point. He was so angry that there were tears beginning to flow down his face.

"I was, I was just…"

"Oh, let me think the little Gryffindor fucked up again. If you're not gay then what in the _fuck _did you think this was called? Friends making out?"

"No, Draco, it's just that"

"Harry, I fucking loved you. I honestly thought that maybe, just maybe you'd be able to show me the fucking love that nobody else has."

"Draco, I…"

"Save it Harry. I don't what to hear anymore of this shit. Don't talk to me until you figure out what you want to do." Draco began to stand up.

"Don't." Harry said as he stood up and grabbed Draco's arm.

"Don't what, Harry?"

"Don't leave. I need you here."

"If you need me here, then why are you trying to say that we shouldn't be doing this anymore?"

"I don't know. I just…I'm just confused."

"Confused about what?"

"Don't get me wrong I want to be with you, it's just…"

"Just what?"

"That none of my friends know I'm gay. Hell, I didn't even know I was gay. I still don't think I am. I just not sure about anything anymore. Everything is so messed up now."

"Harry the only thing that is messed up right now is you."

"Just please, please Draco." Harry said as he began to sit down pulling Draco down with him.

"What?" Draco whispered.

"Promise me, this has to be our last time no matter what."

"Fine this was our last time."

"Please Draco, mean it. Promise me this was our last."

"Trust me Harry, I wouldn't want to touch you now," Draco said out of hate, but deep down he didn't mean it.

"Draco, please, just promise me this one thing. Promise me that you won't come looking for me. Because if you come back to me, I know, I just know that I won't have enough strength to push you away. Promise me Draco."

"I promise. I won't go looking for you."

"Thank-you."

Draco grabbed his belongings, turned and looked at Harry once again. That was one picture Draco knew he would never be able to forget. Harry sitting there on his bed, hunched over, body shaking as he was crying and his green eyes staring right at him. It was hard for Draco to just walk away from Harry, but he knew deep down that he couldn't ever go back there. He turned on his heel and walked out the door.

As he made his way out of the Leaky Cauldron, he had got a lot of questioning looks. Draco shrugged them off; he was used to being stared at like he was some kind of monstrous animal, after all, he was a Malfoy. But there was one person that he noticed above all others. The young boy was standing next to the next of the Leaky Cauldron. The guy appeared to be the same age as Draco, yet somehow younger.

Without realizing it, Draco began to walk closer towards the boy. As he walked closer, Draco realized that somehow and in someway he knew that boy. He didn't know how he knew him, jus that he knew him. The boy smiled when Draco began to walk closer to him.

With the reddish brown hair, freckled face, and dark brown eyes, Draco knew that he had seen this boy before. His face was just so familiar. Draco then realized how much the boy looked just like all of the other Weasleys. Draco thought that maybe this boy was somehow related to them. _But how on earth does this boy have such dark brown eyes, when all the others have baby blue? _

Draco didn't want to think about the boy any longer, he wanted to get out of that place as fast as he possibly could. Even more people began to give him odd looks as he tried to hurry out the place. He bumped into a few table and chairs, but he didn't notice; he just wanted to get away from that boy's stare.

When he made it outside he reached down to his right pocket and pulled out his wand. He waved it down and waited. After a few seconds the Knight Bus appeared. Draco didn't talk back to anyone, he just handed them the money and his bags. He got on the bus and took a seat near the back. He didn't feel like talking to anyone at the moment, he just wanted to be left alone in his own mind.

It felt like hours had gone by while Draco was on the bus. He finally reached his destination, Kings Cross. He threw all of his belongings onto a trolley. He came in front of the platforms 9 and 10; he quickly ran threw them with no hesitation. He didn't even really give the train a second look before boarding it.

Draco didn't want anyone to find him so he sat in one of the very back compartments. But to Draco this still wasn't enough to keep his friends from knowing who he was. He grabbed a black robe out of his truck and quickly changed into it. He pulled the hood up around his face, trying to hide his identity.

He let out a deep sigh. He was trying not to think of a certain Gryffindor boy. But for some reason Draco couldn't remember anything but him. Draco turned his head towards the window and stared out the window and watched. He watched all of the happy children with there happy little families. He watched how the families smiled and hugged their children. Draco felt a pang of hurt in his heart. It hurt him to watch other people be happy when he wasn't. It hurt to see that some people got to grow up loved. It hurt to know that he could never be like those children. It hurt him to know who he was.

He continued to stare out the window watching the people. Draco felt somewhat odd just sitting there staring out the window watching the people. He began to shift nervously in his seat, because he thought he had just seen his father standing amongst the crowd. He heard a noise by the door and snapped his head towards the door, but it wasn't his father. It was Harry Potter. Draco tried to smile and be nice but he was failing miserably.

Draco began to squirm as Harry came into the room with him. It was just too much at the moment. They had just said that they were going to say away from one another and what happens, Harry follows him in there. Draco watched Harry with silent silver eyes. He saw that Harry was attempting to say something but didn't.

Draco tried to hide his amusement as he saw Harry turn away blushing. Draco didn't know why but for some reason or another, he just couldn't look away from Harry. He saw Harry turn a deep colour of crimson as he continued to stare at him with blank eye. Finally, after awhile Draco gave a small nod towards Harry making a silent hello.

Staring at Harry was making Draco feel a little alone and empty. He couldn't look at him any longer so he began to look out the window. Draco noticed that there weren't really anymore people standing out on the platform any longer. He figured that it must be time for the train to take off. The train gave a sudden jerk and he gasped out with surprise. He also noticed that Harry had been surprised too.

Scenery began to flash by outside. As Draco watched, he could feel himself grow tired. After all, he had only a couple of hours of sleep. So why not go to sleep? It was the perfect time. He didn't want to face Harry so why not face what dreams his mind has set up for this sleep. Draco let himself fall against the glass of the window and drift off to sleep.

Draco knew he hadn't been asleep for too long considering that it was still day. He pulled himself off of the glass and looked around the small room. His eyes laid on the young raven-haired boy who sat across from him. Draco didn't know why but he suddenly had the urge to just touch Harry. He wanted to feel his soft skin once again; he needed to be close to the boy once again. Draco slowly got up out of his seat and went over towards Harry and sat down beside him.

He slowly began to rub the boy's arm. Draco began to brush the long hairs away from Harry's eyes. As he stroked Harry's hair, Harry began to lean into the touch of Draco's hand. Draco's heart began to flutter. He knew that he shouldn't be over there with Harry but at the same time that's all he wanted to do. Draco finally got up and went over to the other side where he was supposed to be sitting.

His eyes began to drift over different things in the room like Harry, the door, Harry, the window, Harry, the design in the cushions, and Harry. His eyes ran over the door once again but this time he saw someone standing there, Hermione Granger. Draco couldn't help but notice the hate in her eyes. She looked over at him and glared. Draco slowly stood up and walked over to the door and opened it. Hermione stumbled backwards as she tried to get away from him. Draco quickly shut the door behind him and walked towards Hermione.

"Wait!" Draco shouted at her.

She ran herself right into a corner, they were in the very back of the train, and there was no where for her to go. She turned around and glared at Draco. "What do you want?"

"I should ask you the same thing. What were you doing outside my compartment?"

"That's none of your business."

"I think it is, especially when you have that much hatred when you look at us."

"It's none of your business."

"You're right it may not be mine. But if you hurt me or Harry, then it is my business."

"Who said I would want to hurt either of you."

"The look in your eyes."

"Now, would you care to let me return to my compartment?" Hermione said as she began to walk passed Draco.

Draco grabbed Hermione and shoved her back against the wall. Hermione gave a gasp as a sharp pain went through her body as she hit the wall. "Yes I do care. I don't think I'm done talking to you yet."

"What do you want?"

"I want you to stay away from Harry."

"And what if I _don't_?"

"Then I'll have to hunt you down and hurt you in more ways than you could ever imagine."

"Are you threatening me?"

"You can bet your sweet ass I am."

"I'm telling."

"Go ahead, and I'll tell that you had plans to kill Harry."

"You have no proof!"

"Neither do you!"

"I have my word and they can make you tell. All they have to do is give you one simple potion and you'll tell everything we need to hear."

"Yes and they would also hear that I would only hurt you if you hurt Harry or me. So that's not really a threat now is it?"

"I, well, no."

"Now, next question. Why were you staring at Harry like that?"

"I don't have to tell you a thing."

"You're right, you don't, but things would go a little faster if you would."

"I wasn't staring at Harry." Hermione said flatly.

"Oh really, then what were you staring at?"

"The monster that has taken over Harry. The old Harry, the Harry I know wouldn't sit in a compartment with _you_."

"Well, I doubt the old Hermione would stare at Harry like he's a fucking bug either. The Hermione that I always saw was right by Harry's side no matter what he might have done."

"That Hermione died, when Harry changed."

"I don't think Harry changed, I think you changed."

"I did no such thing."

"Then why could I hear you screaming at Ron to stay away from Harry. Saying that Harry was dangerous. That Harry would just end up kill you both. Why could I hear that if you never changed?"

"I, well, how could you hear that?"

"You were shouting loud enough for everyone in the Leaky Cauldron to hear!"

"I WAS NOT!"

"You were shouting just like you are now."

"I AM NOT SHO-" Hermione tried to calm herself down, "I'm not shouting."

"You still didn't answer my question how could I hear all of that if you were still the same old Hermione?"

"I don't know. Maybe you can just answer that question yourself."

"Hermione shut the hell up. You talk too much, do you know that?"

"Some people like to hear educated people tal-"

"Like now, shut the fuck up. I don't what to hear this crap anymore Hermione. All I hear is nothing but lies. You're doing nothing but trying to cover your own ass. You're trying to make it seem like Harry has changed and gone bad and evil, when it was you who had changed. You're the one who your friends shouldn't trust anymore. All you do is make accusations without any proof."

"I have proof!"

"What proof?"

"Percy showed it to me."

"Percy showed you nothing but lies. If you read his journal or watched him, you would know he is defiantly not on our side of things. He works for Voldemort you stupid twit."

"You would only know that because you work for him too."

"I don't. I would never work that bastard."

"Yeah, right and I'm Mrs. Santa Claus." Draco took his robe off and rolled up both sleeves so she could see his arms. Draco shoved her against the wall. Hermione began to squirm. "What, what are you doing?"

"Shut up." Draco stood there in front of her and let her look at him. "There, see no death eater marks."

"I, I, that doesn't prove anything. Snape -"

"He has one. Voldemort won't let you in to his little 'group' without that mark."

"I, oh."

Draco put his clothes back on and began to walk off. Hermione began to run after him. He turned around and told her to fuck off and kept walking. He went back into the compartment. He curled himself up into a little ball on the seat. He didn't know why but for some reason he felt very venerable at the moment. He could sleep begin to pull him back into its grips and he let it. He knew he needed to sleep.

He shut his eyes and suddenly he wasn't on the train any longer. He was alone in a room. The room was covered in what looked like blood. Draco had a cold chill. He recognized that room. He had been in this room a few times before and every time he came out hurting like hell. It was Voldemort's torture chamber. Draco tried to stand up, but he couldn't. He looked down at his legs; he was chained to the floor.

He could hear the door behind him open. He knew what was going to happen. He knew that this was a dream; he tried to wish it away. But he knew that this type of dream doesn't just go away. This type of dream is a memory, a memory that your mind will make you relive time and time again. Draco suddenly felt like crying, he knew that he was now trapped in his mind.

The footsteps were coming closer towards him. He became hard for him to breathe. He could feel the person standing behind him. His heart began to beat harder and faster. He could feel the person lean close to him. His mouth grew dry. He could feel the person's breath on the back of his neck. Draco suddenly felt like passing out and never waking up again.

Draco could feel the person touching him. His body went ridged. He could feel the person kissing the back of his neck. He felt as though he was now numb. He could feel the person's hand slip under his shirt. Draco felt like he was going to be sick. He could feel the person place light kisses on the back of his neck. He didn't dare move; he was too scared to move now. He could feel the man slowly touching him and invading him. Draco was terrified of what was happening to him. Draco could feel one of the person's hands reach lower and gasped his cock.

The person's hand began to rub him over the fabric. Draco felt like he was going to lose his mind. The person sat himself behind Draco. Draco began to take in short, fast breaths. The person grabbed Draco's legs and pulled them up and pushed them apart making him look like his was in the missionary style position. Draco felt like he was going to die. The other now wrapped his legs around Draco's so he could keep them open without having to use his hands. Draco felt like crying.

Draco could feel the man slip his hand underneath his pants. A tear began to roll down Draco's cheek. Draco could feel the man rub his hand against him. Draco now began to cry. "Stop that whining. You better do what I want or you're only going to make it worse for yourself." Draco stopped crying. "Now, that's better. When I touch you, I want you to like it." Draco gave a nod; he knew what he was supposed to do.

The man slowly undid Draco's pants. Draco felt like crying again but he knew better. The man pulled Draco's pants and boxers off of him. Draco bit his lip to keep himself from screaming out for someone, anyone to help him. The man grasped Draco's cock and began to pump his hand up and down it. Draco felt disgusted and wouldn't let himself grow hard. The man pulled harder on his softened cock. Draco knew that he had to let himself get hard for the man. "Now that's a good boy." Draco let out a small whimper. The man let his other hand drop down and began to let it play with Draco's balls. Draco almost screamed out in protest. Draco could feel the man grow hard, for it was pressed against his back.

Suddenly the man stood up and walked around to the front of Draco. He pushed Draco down onto his back. Tears were now flowing silently down his normally pale cheeks. The man undid his own trousers exposing his raging hard-on. Draco whimpered because he knew what was coming. The man bent down and began to place kisses all over Draco's face. Draco could feel the man's cock press against his own. Draco could feel the slowly start to rub against him.

He could feel the man twitch and move. He could hear the man's growing pants and groans. But the thing that disgusted him the most was that he could feel himself being pleasured from it. He could hear the man whisper, "come for me." When the man was down he put, his trousers back on and stood up.

The man took out his wand and pointed it down at him. Even more tears began to flow down Draco's flushed cheeks. The man whispered so quietly that the words didn't reach Draco's ears. Draco still knew the man whispered once the spell had hit him; it was the Cruciatus Curse.

Draco felt like he was being ripped apart from the inside out. Draco's arms and legs jerked violently against the chains. He could feel the bone in his left leg snap as it twitched and pulled against the pain. A loud scream went through the room as Draco had lost all control over his body. The pain that he was feeling was more than he had ever felt before. He could hear someone screaming his name over and over again.

There was a light in the corner of the room that began to grow brighter and brighter. Draco wished with all of his might to go closer to the light. He wanted the light to consume him. He wanted to get away from the darkness. He could hear the voice calling his name more clearly now. The voice was so familiar; Draco knew that he had heard that voice before.

He could tell by the voice that something wasn't right. The voice sounded so scared, so frightened. Draco wanted to call out the person and ask what was the matter. But for some reason every time he tried to talk his voice failed him. The light around Draco grew brighter and brighter.

Finally, Draco wasn't in the pitch black room the man. He was now back inside his train compartment with a worried looking Harry staring down at him. Suddenly, Harry bent down and hugged Draco and didn't let him go. Draco was still so frightened that he jerked hard and fast out of Harry's arms; sending Harry straight to the floor.

Draco backed himself up against the corner of his seat and brought his legs up to his chin. He wrapped his arms around his legs and began to rock back and forth. He was so confused he didn't know what was going on or where he really was. He was almost sure that this was another trick of Voldemort's. He was almost sure that the person in front of him wasn't Harry. He just knew that the person was only dressed up as Harry. He knew that it wasn't Harry.

Silver eyes were glaring down the so called Harry Potter as he began to slowly stand up. Draco's body went numb as the person sat down beside him. His first reaction was to run away and not come back. Draco saw the other man raise his hand up. Draco flinched back. He had thought Harry was going to hit him; like so many others before had hit him.

Draco was so frightened of the man he didn't know what the man wanted from him. Draco backed himself up into the corner as far as he possibly could. All he wanted was for this person to do was to either leave him alone or just go on with the torturing. Which ever it was Draco just wanted the man to go on with it.

Slowly, Draco lifted his head up and looked at the man. This person who looked so much like Harry gave him a small smile. Draco had to look away. He wanted to trust this man because it looked so much like the man that he loved.

"Draco? What's wrong? Please tell me."

This man sounded so much like Harry that Draco's began to break. He didn't know if this was Harry or not. He didn't know if this was another one of Voldemort's games. He just didn't know what to do. All he could do was cry. He cried because if this was another one of Voldemort's tricks, then Harry didn't really care for him.

Draco looked back up at this Harry and saw something in Harry's eyes. His Harry's eyes. He could tell that this was not Voldemort's trick just by the look in Harry's eyes. Draco almost wanted to shout for joy. His Harry Potter really cared for him. It was all in Harry's emerald green eyes. Draco slowly started to shake his head in disbelief. He couldn't believe that he had thought that Harry might have been a death eater.

"Please, don't do that. I know that something is wrong. Just tell me. You can trust me. I'm here and I'm not leaving. Just tell me, Draco."

"You really want to know?" Draco asked quietly.

"Yes."

"Are you sure that you really want to know what I dreamed?"

"Draco, I'm sure. Whatever it is, I'm sure it was just a bad dream."

"That's where you're wrong, Harry."

"It wasn't just a dream."

"What do you mean?"

"It was a memory of something that had happened."

"What happened?"

"You know when my father and Severus brought me to Voldemort."

"Yes, I saw that."

"Well, you didn't see everything. Voldemort has another torture room besides the one you saw. This one is pitch black. Voldemort had one of his Death Eaters take me in there. They chained me to the floor. Then…then…"

"It's okay. You don't have to tell me anything Draco."

"No. I want to, I need to tell someone." Harry nodded and waited for Draco to continue. "Then another Death Eater walked in and he began to touch me. Then he put the Cruciatus Curse on me. It's not like I haven't had it put on me before. It's just that this time with me chained down, all of my bones broke as I jerked around. The sickest thing about it all, is that I am almost positive that the person who did it all to me was my father."

Harry didn't know what to say. So he didn't say a thing. Instead, he bent over and wrapped his arms around Draco and just held him. Draco moved into Harry's embrace and rested there. Harry was in shock. Harry slowly began to rub his hand soothingly across Draco's arm. Draco shivered at Harry's touch. Harry knew that he needed to say something, but he just didn't know how to go about it.

Even though no words came out of Harry's mouth, he felt as though Harry had had spoken something that had touched his heart, his very soul. Draco couldn't help but to fall in love with the heat coming off of Harry's body. Draco's mind began to grow tired and weak and all he waned to do was fall back asleep. As his eyelids began to close once more, the memory of the dream he just had flashed through his mind once again; his eye slammed open.

Both of the young boy's did nothing but lie there with each other for sometime. The train slowly began to slow down and come to a stop. Draco shoved Harry's arms off of him. Draco turned around to where he was facing Harry. Draco saw the look of hurt across Harry's face and he couldn't help but smile. Draco leaned in and placed a small kiss upon Harry's tender lips. Harry began to kiss back. He didn't care what he had said before, he wanted Draco; he loved Draco.

Draco pulled back and looked down at Harry. A small smile appeared across the boy's face, but it was soon replace but sadness.

"Thank you." Draco whisper ever so softly.

"For what?" Harry asked in confusion.

"For everything." He sighed. "For showing me love. For showing me, people can care. For being there for me."

"Draco,…I…" Harry began to say but struggled with the words, "I would do it again in a minute. Besides, you're the one who has shown me love. I've never felt love before you."

"Goodbye Harry." Draco placed one last kiss upon Harry's lips. He grabbed his belongings and walked out of the compartment.

Harry stood there in complete shock. Harry wanted to scream out to Draco to stop to wait. But he couldn't find his voice. Harry wanted to hold onto Draco for the rest of his life. Yet, his arms wouldn't reach out and take a hold of him. Harry wanted to run to him. But, it was like his feet were glued to the floor, he couldn't move. Harry wanted to be near him. Yet, every time when he got around him he knew, he needed to let the other boy go. All Harry wanted was Draco.

Finally, after Draco had left Harry's sight, he gathered his belongings and walked out of the train compartment. As he was walking out, Hermione, Ron, Dean, Ginny, Seamus, and Neville walked by. Hermione glared at him. Harry hung his head in shame. Ron gave Harry a half hearted smile before turning back to Hermione. Ginny came up to Harry and gave him hug, when Hermione wasn't looking. The others didn't even pay any attention to him.

They just walked past and pretend like he wasn't even there. Harry watched them all walk head. He watched them all laugh and tell jokes. Harry watched all of his former friends walk away and just leave him standing there completely alone. He wanted to go up to them and join in on their jokes and fun, but he knew he was no longer welcome to hang with them. He knew he was no longer one of their mates.

As he exited the train he saw that their was only two carriages left. He watched all of his old friends get into one, so he decided to go over to the other. Harry shaking hand reached the handle to the door and slowly began to open the door. At first, Harry thought that the compartment was empty, until he saw Draco sitting in the corner of the carriage staring attentively. Draco's silver eyes glared at Harry for a moment before they realized who it was.

Harry let himself fall into the seat directly across from Draco. Draco let a small smile appear on his face as he stared into the eyes of Harry James Potter. Both boys sat in the silence for a few minutes. Harry can tell that Draco wanted to say something, but he just wasn't saying it.

"Harry…" Draco slowly began.

"What?" Harry replied.

"I…um…I don't know how to put this…"

"Then just say it."

"Well, this afternoon when we…when we…well you know…"

"Yeah, I know." Harry replied as a smile appeared on his face as he remembered what all they had done. "What about it?"

"When you were undressed I noticed something."

"What?"

"That you have cuts, really bad cuts up and down your arms."

When Harry heard that Draco had noticed he began to cross his arms. His mind began to run over a million different questions. Harry didn't want Draco to know that he had cut himself. Harry didn't want Draco to begin to worry over him, when Draco already had enough to worry about. When Harry didn't say, anything Draco continued talking.

"I know that they are probably from your uncle…but, Harry, how did you get those marks on your arm?"

"Well…I…um, they're from my uncle." Harry began to lie. "One time when he…when he raped me… I began to fight him off of me. So he beat me into submission, then drug me to the bathroom, grabbed a few of his spare razor blades, and he…he cut me with them."

By the time Harry was done speaking, Draco had wished that he would have never asked the question. He could tell that when Harry began to talk about what his uncle did to him, it hurt him. Draco didn't want to make Harry live in the past. Draco didn't want to make Harry have to relive the nightmarish things that his uncle had done to him. Draco didn't want to be the person in Harry's life that also reminded him of what had happened to him over the summer break.

Draco felt like kicking himself in the ass for what he had just done to Harry. He knew that if he was Harry, that all he would want to do is try and forget everything that had happened, that he would try and pretend that nothing had ever happened, he knew that he most likely would cried if anyone would have brought up the subject and make him relive all the pain that he had tried so had to put behind him.

The silver eyes looked up into worried emerald green eyes. Draco saw the hurt and pain inside of Harry's eyes, but what Draco didn't know was the real reason behind the pain and hurt. Draco thought the pain and hurt was from the question that he had asked and how he had made Harry relive the past with his uncle. But the real reason only Harry knew.

The real reason why Harry's eyes showed hurt and pain was because that he had lied to Draco. The one person that he trusted, the one person that actually showed love towards him, the one person that cares for him, the one person that opened their heart to Harry and Harry just lied to him to his face. It hurt Harry to lie to Draco like that.

Yet, at the same time, he knew that Draco was too close to the truth. It pained Harry to know that someone was this close to finding out his little secret. It pained him to know that if Draco really knew the real reason that he might lose Draco forever. It pained him because he didn't want anyone to know what he was doing. He didn't want anyone to think that they could help him or stop him. Harry just wanted everything to disappear. He could take care of it himself. He didn't want anyone else's help.

Harry and Draco both sat in silence for some time. Both Harry and Draco let out a gasp of surprise as the carriage began to head towards the school. A small smile appeared on both boys' face.

"Harry…" Draco whispered ever so softly.

"What?" Harry said in shock. Draco's voice had spooked him.

"Did you really mean it?" Draco asked nervously.

"Did I mean what?" Harry asked confusedly.

"That it was the last time? That we shouldn't see each other anymore?"

"Yeah, I did." Harry replied very quietly.

"Oh…okay…" Draco said disappointedly.

"But I don't know if I mean that now." Harry spoke eagerly.

"Why wouldn't you?" Draco asked; he was shocked that Harry might actually change his mind.

"I don't know…it's just that I have really had anyone to talk to and… well…"

"You can talk to me?" Draco suggested.

"Yeah…" Harry said relieved.

"Harry,…I…I don't think that I could just let go of you like that…I… I mean I don't exactly have every trust worthy friends and it's nice…you know…to have someone. Someone I can count on."

"Draco, I want to be there for you, just that…well, a lot of things happen to me that I don't really expect to happen. I mean, I let a lot of people down. I don't think I could stand myself if I ever _really _let you down."

"Oh…"

Neither Harry nor Draco would say another word. Both boys wanted to be with each other, both boys were starting to form feelings for the other, both boys wanted nothing more than to be able to be with each other, but mainly they just wished that their lives weren't so different from each other. They wished that their futures and their lives were leading in the same direction. They wished that their fate and their lives weren't meant to be so different from the others.

Harry looked over at Draco. Harry knew that it was going to be hard to stay away from him. He knew that it was going to be hard to stay away from the one he loved. He knew that it would literally rip his heart. He knew that Draco would be there for him if he needed him. He knew that in the days to come things were only going to get worse. He knew that none of his friends were going to be his friends anymore. He knew that there would be even more pain in his future than in his past. He knew that no matter what was going to happen that eventually he would have to face his uncle. He knew that he would have to face his problems with his cutting. But, the biggest problem was that Harry knew, eventually, he would have to face himself.

To Be Continued…

**Author's Note: **Well, that was a long chapter. Anyway, it was fun to write though. Review if you feel like it, I'm tired of begging for them. I'll update again so as I get the chance.


	7. Walking Away

**Author's Note: **Oh my… I am so terribly sorry for how long you all have waited for this chapter. Man, the last two years have just flown by in my life. I was a sophomore now I'm a senior. I have realized one thing though… and it is perfect for this chapter… telling the people you love the most good-bye, is not an easy thing to do…

**Chapter 7**

**Walking Away**

The carriage trudged down the gloomy, dark road towards its prison, Hogwarts. Regretful emerald eyes peered out the window towards their home. A quick sharp stab of pain went through his entire body. He solemnly took notice that this year, everything was going to change. All of his once best friends were now going to hate him, and his once enemy is now his lover.

Tears began to glisten in emerald eyes as they realized that all too soon that he would have to tell the one love of his life good-bye. The carriage slowly made its way closer and closer towards Hogwarts. Sooner than later the carriage reached Hogwarts. Taking a deep breath and trying to pull himself together, Harry cautiously walked out of the carriage. He knew this was it; it was time to say goodbye.

A tender kiss was pressed upon Harry's mouth. Losing himself, Harry flung his arms around the other boy. Harry kissed him so passionately. He knew that this was the last time, he had to let it all go. He knew that no matter how badly he wanted it, Draco was going to leave him. And once again, the boy wonder would be alone and on his own.

A hand crept up Harry's back and began to trace up and down his spine. Harry couldn't help but to moan into their secret kiss. Harry felt Draco's arms wrap themselves around him like they too didn't want to let go, that they wanted to stay their in their little comfort zone. Harry pressed his body onto Draco's, allowing Draco to hold him.

Pulling away, Harry noticed that Draco let out a small, seductive smile on his usually sorrowed face. Harry leaned in and place another kiss on Draco's swollen lips. Harry let his hands rub Draco's back in a comforting manor. Harry broken the tender love and gently began to nuzzle against his neck. Breathing deeply, Harry was trying to memorize Draco's scent. He wanted everything to become a permanent memory. Harry knew that he was the only one that Draco had ever let inside behind those silver eyes, and Harry wasn't about to waste this moment of getting to lose himself in them.

He could feel himself being pulled against Draco. Harry tightened his grip on Draco. He knew that if they kept on, someone would see them, but at this moment, he could have cared less. He could feel Draco shuddering against him, as if he were crying.

"Draco?"

Puffy silver eyes look into weary emerald eyes.

"Draco? What's wrong?"

Once again they looked up at the man calling their name. When their eyes met, Harry had his answer.

"Draco… I don't think I can let you go."

"Harry… You have too…"

"Why?"

"Because I don't think I have the strength to let you go."

"Why do either of us have to let the other go?"

"We just have to Harry."

"WHY!?!"

"That's just the way it is."

"Says who?"

"Me. You. The wizarding world! Hell the whole world!"

"Draco, I can't."

"Look, in our world, both in magical and muggle, men are not supposed to love each other, let alone _want_ to be with another man."

"But I didn't chose to love you."

"I know that… and I love you too…. But please Harry… you have to let me go… because I can let you go…"

"Screw them Draco. Let's just do what _we _want to do. Don't do what everyone wants us to do. If you only do what 'they' want then you'll never make yourself happy. You have to do want you want. Do what feels right, Drake."

"This feels right Harry… God's this is the best thing I've ever had."

"Then why not? Draco, please…" a single tear began to roll its way down the boy's face.

"It's wrong Harry…plus, no one will accept this… no one…"

"Why should they have to accept it?"

"Look Harry, you are the boy-who-lived, they're not just going to let a _Death Eaters' son _shag you."

"IT'S NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS!!!"

"Once we go back in there, we'll never get to see each other any longer. I'll never get to lay in your arms and fall asleep. I'll never get to wake up next to you. I'll never be allowed to see you. I'll no longer get to spend time with you. I'll have to go back to being the total hard ass Slytherin."

"I know…that's why I never want to let you go. That's why I just want to stand here with you in my arms for the rest of my life."

"I don't want to have to go back. I don't want to have to go back to not really having you in my life."

"Then don't."

"What?"

"Don't back to that, Draco. Stay here, stay here with me."

"Harry, you know I can't."

"Do you love me?"

"What?"

"I said Do you love me?"

"Harry you know that I do, but that's not the point."

"Yes, yes it is… Draco if you love me… isn't that all that really matters? Please. Don't walk away. My heart would break."

Harry could feel the other boy pull away. Harry could feel Draco staring into his eyes. Draco was staring into Harry's soul, trying to figure out what to do. Harry felt Draco's hand slowly begin to massage his face. Harry loved being held by Draco, being touch by him, being loved by him. As Draco pulled away, Harry felt their relationship slowly pull apart.

"I just don't think that things will work out…not for now." Draco began to softly speak. "I just need sometime to sort out all of my feelings. I need to find out what's going on. I mean, everything has just happened so fast between us and…"

"And what?"

"Harry…I don't know what I want…I just need to think things over before I make any decision."

Draco's words were like a smack in the face. Compete and total shock went through him. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know whether to hold him or let him go. Harry didn't know if he should continue to fight for their love or just throw in the towel.

So, he didn't say or do anything. Harry felt Draco's body wrench in tears. Harry didn't dry the boy's tears, he just gave him a shoulder to cry on. He didn't comfort him; he didn't do anything at all. He just stood there holding him in his arms, which was more comforting than any words he could have spoken to him.

A loud cracking noise appeared next to them. Harry and Draco both jumped and moved away from each other as they noticed that the carriage slowly began to be carried away by the Thestrals. Harry grabbed onto Draco even tighter. He but this time, he could feel Draco slip away. As Harry looked at Draco, the more he realized how much harder life was going to be without him. Draco was the one thing keeping Harry together, with out him, Harry would fall to pieces.

Stumbling backwards a bit, Harry felt Draco begin to fight and push him off. Harry reached around him and held him tight. He didn't want him to leave him again. Harry began to cry as he felt the one person he loved shoving him off. Harry couldn't take it any more; he let him go. He let him walk away from him. He just stood there watched as Draco began to walk right out of his life.

The raven-haired boy couldn't take it any longer he called out, "Draco! Please! I can't live without you!"

Draco's head snapped back around towards Harry. Emerald eyes met silver once again. Harry watched Draco sprinted back towards him. Harry held his arms open; Draco jumped up into Harry's open arms. Draco placed his pale pink lips upon Harry's blood read lips. Harry began to kiss him like a mad man.

Tears began to flood down both boys' faces. They both knew… this was it. Both were putting all they had into that kiss. All of their emotions, love, tears, and laughter into that one moment. Harry was praying that this wouldn't end. But as the kiss slowly drew to an end, Harry felt his heart break in half. Draco had stolen his heart.

Interlocking their fingers together, Harry had thought that maybe, just maybe Draco was going to stay with him. But Draco started backing away from him once again. Harry looked down into those eyes and saw a tear begin to make a path down his cheek. Harry raised a hand to wipe away that tear, but Draco moved his head out of Harry's reach.

"I love you, Harry." Draco whispered out into the cold night.

"I love you, too. Draco…please…don't…" Harry didn't want Draco to walk away yet again. Harry would fall down onto his knees and beg him to stay if he knew it would do any good whatsoever.

"Harry, I just can't. I love you so much more than anything. I don't want to break your heart. I don't want to make you sad."

_What is he thinking about? Him leaving me is breaking my heart. Leaving me would make me sad. Staying with me would fill me with love. Staying with me would keep me happy. Damn it Draco. How can you just steal my heart like that! How can you just walk away? Can't you see, I don't care what they think, without you… I don't think I can face my future._

"I have to do this. I have to sort out a few things first."

"Please, don't go. I need you, I want you, I love you."

"Harry, stop making this harder. It's hard enough to walk away from you."

"please…"

"Harry, I have to go. I'll come back to you…"

Hand in hand still, Draco slowly walked away. Harry's fingers were still holding onto his desperately. As he walked away, his fingers slowly slipped away from Draco's. Harry felt Draco disappear. All to soon, Harry fingers weren't holding anything besides air. Draco had let go of him.

**bqbqbqbqbqbq**

With his heart still sinking, he had to force every step. He had to force himself to walk away. Draco wanted nothing more than just to run back into those warm arms, but he knew he couldn't. He had to be brave, he had to be strong, he had to walk away. It was better that way, wasn't it? _No. _He shook his head as he answered himself.

He knew that walking away was the cowardly way out. If he was really strong, he would stay with him. If he was brave, he wouldn't care if others saw them together. But he wasn't that strong. He didn't want people to talk about him like that. He didn't want rumors to rule his life. He wanted Harry. He wanted to be happy. But he wasn't brave enough to let himself be happy.

Silver eyes shot a quick glance back. The pools of silver bubbled in pain. Emerald eyes were crying. Draco had to force himself to look away. The boy behind him was breaking his heart. It was breaking his heart. But at the same time it made him hopeful. _He really does care about me. _

It was so much more than too much. His heart was pumping against his chest. He knew what he needed to do. Without giving it a second thought, Draco turned around and sprinted back towards his Gryffindor lover. He was met with a warm embrace. His pale pink lips smothered cherry red ones. He was putting everything he could into that one moment. He wanted to make it count. It was their last, so it had to actually mean something more than just teenage lust.

He felt himself flow into the kiss. He was slipping, slowly into Harry. He wasn't just Draco Malfoy, son of Lucius. He was Draco Malfoy, the boy who made Harry give a damn. Tears began to sting their way down his cheeks. He was so embarrassed about losing himself into Harry. He wanted Harry to know how he felt, but he didn't want to cry, not like this.

"I love you, Harry." Draco whispered out into the cold night. He knew there was no other way to say it, than to say it.

"I love you, too. Draco…please…don't…"

"Harry, I just can't. I love you so much more than anything. I don't want to break your heart. I don't want to make you sad." Draco knew that his words were knives into Harry's heart. But he couldn't stay. Not right, not now. He had to talk to… someone. "I have to do this. I have to sort out a few things first."

"Please, don't go. I need you, I want you, I love you."

"Harry, stop making this harder. It's hard enough to walk away from you." _God he has no idea what he does to me. Does he think it's easy for me? Does he think I'm just playing game? That I have no feelings or emotions? DAMN IT HARRY! I LOVE YOU! Please, Harry, just don't, don't look at me like that. _

"please…"

"Harry, I have to go. I'll come back to you…"

Draco knew that he had to turn away at that moment. If he didn't, he knew his heart wouldn't let him leave. His pale eyes were flood with emotions, and his tears flooded down his cheeks. He hung his head. Placed one foot in front of the other. All of his emotions had left him. He could feel nothing. He wouldn't let himself. If he did, he would lose it.

_I will though. I'll come back for him. I love him too much just to completely walk away. I know that it's hard right now. But it's for the best. I don't want Harry to get hurt. He's been hurt enough. He doesn't need to be dragged into my personal affairs. When I get everything worked out, I'll come back. I'll go get my Harry. _

_I may have walked away. I may have broken him. I may have left him there wanting more. I may have left him standing there alone. But I will never let go of him. He's a part of me, and I'm a part of him. We can never really leave each other. _

**Author's Note: **I know I haven't been very good with my promises, but I am going to try as hard as I can to keep this one. I WILL have another chapter up on Monday! PROMISE!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!


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